No way to know what is best for the kids. It is one thing to say "your mother and I are having difficulty but we are committed to working things out." I could have said that honestly 10 years ago or even 5 years ago. It is different to say "I no longer love your mother the way I used to, and I am not sure how much longer we will stay together". That may shatter their world even if you also say "I will always love YOU and that will never change". Sometimes hard for them to believe your love for them will endure when you say your love for their mother has died.

As I have said before, I don't want to get divorced while the kids live home. I don't want to pay child support while living somewhere else. I don't want Mrs. Hold living with some other guy while DD is living with her. I care more about all those things than about telling my kids the truth about their parents' marriage.

Healthy boundaries? Healthy marriage? Not in our house. You need healthy people to have a healthy marriage. Neither I nor Mrs. Hold is healthy. No way for us to set an example of healthy living. We are choosing from alternate dysfunctions.