Good question, Retread. The butterflies aren't connected to the sexual act itself but the thought of cuddling, kissing, being held. Hope that's not TMI, but I don't know how to make people with a normal sex life understand.
What I found comforting about the asexuality site, is there are a lot of people there who've only felt attracted to people a handful of times. There's also those who enjoy affection, who even feel giddy around people they're attracted to, but at the same time they are not interested in sex itself. Finally, there are quite a few folks (demisexuals) who do not experience physical attraction upon sight, but rather attraction develops after getting to know someone. All 3 of these conditions *describe* me! I suspect that the "butterflies" I felt for those guys were not the same "butterflies" that my ex used to feel for me.
Reading their conversations with their spouses was like sitting in my house while we discussed these issues over and over, where I tried to understand why sex was so important to him and he try to understand why it wasn't to me.
Why did I even go searching for such a thing?
Well, I took a business trip and ran into an old acquaintance (who happened to be one of those 7 guys). I accepted his invitation to catch up somewhere public, and I told him all that happened over the last two years. I will be honest and admit I was kind of hoping something would happen because he was something of a player when I'd previously known him.
Well something did happen: He held me, and kissed me (first time I'd been kissed on the lips in 15 years), and he wanted more. But even though I'd felt attraction to him, and really enjoyed being held, there was no desire to "go there."
I've never felt more crazy in my life. Or disappointed. How can I have feelings for someone, and not want what the feelings are supposed to stand for? I could understand if it was a moral or religious issue, ie I physically want it, but I don't want to disappoint God or do something I know is morally wrong. But I didn't want sex. All I wanted was to be held.
And I was not expecting that. Here is this gorgeous, fun, financially independent guy. Every bone in my body should have been fighting to resist him. But it wasn't.
I was comforted to read about the sexuality model and the various flavors of sexuality and actually meet (electronically) people who have the same problems I had and experienced the same struggles I had. People who were ridiculed by their parents about not having an SO in high school. People who were continually told "Why can't you just be normal?" Like I was.
I know I'm probably crazy and seriously need counseling. On the other hand, maybe �just maybe- it's actually possible to be born with an extremely low libido and not be crazy.
Last edited by DaisyTheCat2; 11/25/09 10:13 PM. Reason: spelling errors