For many years I was not a moving target. I told her what I needed. She was unable to address my needs.

Now? Who knows? The ED has really shaken me. I used to say "what would it take for me to forgive you? Sex every day for 30 days, or every week for 6 months." Now, I would definitely not be able to have sex every day for 30 days and might not be able to have sex once a week. Heck, these days I can't have intercourse at all. What would it take for me to forgive her now? I am not sure there is anything, since I am not capable of participating in what would help. I am so messed up in my head I am not sure whether her providing more sex would help or would bother me.


If I were her, I would not want to stay married to me except for the finances and the kids. Not a happy place for her to be. If you asked "should she be in love with you, given how you treat her and think about her?" I would have to say "no". Does that bother me? Yes. Am I planning to do anything to change it? No. Am I cutting off my nose to spite my face? Yes, of course I am. And I expect to continue doing so. That is why I am such a mess, and continue posting here to no avail. The only rational part of me is the part that feels bad about knowing that I intend to continue bashing my head against a brick wall.

The question is whether Telly is correct. Suppose Mrs. Hold apologized. Supposed she tried to meet my needs. Would my heart soften? Would I forgive her (and myself)? Would I work to implement the MB system and build a happy marriage (not rebuild - we never had anything that was happy for me after the wedding)? I honestly don't know.