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A plan to ~try~ and get him back permanently.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Originally Posted by Scotland
I am bracing for Xmas day and WH knocking on the door. If it is anything like the rest of the stuff I have braced for it should go fine. I am NOT leaving my house that day just to avoid him. If he knows that we are home I don't care. He made his choice when he walked out the door(he actually made the choice the day he started sleeping with OW but that's another thing). WH decided to give up his family moments.

Scotland, do you have a plan in case this does happen? I would be prepared for this eventuality and make sure he doesn't come in. If he is allowed to come in, it will undermind your resolve to stay dark. He should not be allowed in no matter what. If he knocks on the door, one suggestion would be to answer and ask him to leave. If he insists on seeing the boys, lock the door behind you, put their coats on them and send them out to visit in his car.

But whatever you do, don't allow him in the house on Christmas. One of the most impactful lessons of Plan B is treating the WS to the reality of single life. Your H has chosen to be single and leave his family for his OW. It is in the best interest of all of you for him to experience exactly what that will be like by spending his Christmas without his family. That experience will influence him to end his affair.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
If he knocks on the door, one suggestion would be to answer and ask him to leave.
I'd go one step further: I would simply take the boys and move to a part of the house, if possible, where his knocking can't be heard, and where if he tries to peer into the house, you can't be seen. After a while he should give up and go away.

Go with God, but go.

Dark is DARK.

I'm sorry you have to be in this situation. Christmas is one of the most stressful times of the year even for "normal" people.


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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I like the idea of sending them to the car.

Did I miss it and did you tell us about what was planned with H about Xmas morn?

If you can get someone supportive to stay over at the house it would be nice too. Maybe Dad?

Its important that WH realizes he has chosen to throw away this special moment and its important to your Children to see you set healthy boundaries for relationships. I know you know this you rock star. just being supportive.

Its going to be very hard to shut him out because of the effect on the boys, If you can let him take them for awhile without you being around I would think that was wise. If the boys ask why you wont be there with them you can say that it is between you and Daddy, to not worry and that you still love him, and that they will have to trust you. They will need to trust you. You are very worthy of that trust BTW.

Have a great Christmas Scotty and may the light shine on you and yours.

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When they ask why you won't be there, "It hurts me too much to be around Daddy while he has a girlfriend. Married people should never have girlfriends or boyfriends."

That's your stock answer, your one-note violin. wink


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Okay. I told the kids that Daddy may show up on Christmas morning. I told them that Daddy can't come in the house anymore because he doesn't live HERE. They know that I am doing my best to TRY to get Daddy to come home and that there is a possibility that he won't ever.

I never really thought of what to do on Christmas because WH never seemed to care about Christmas. I know since we have had our children, there were many times that he went to work for the morning. We usually go to my Mom's house on Christmas Day and then go to MIL house on Boxing Day.

I guess if he stays outside for a while I COULD let him see the kids, but I don't know yet. I wasn't even going to acknowledge that he was there except that I know that it will hurt DSx2. I will do some thinking. Maybe I will let him see them for a bit but definitely NOT in my house.

I don't know about talking to him because I think I might cave if I were to do that. I am sure that he will call the house while he is outside(that has been what he has done twice this week). I wasn't going to let the kids talk to him while he was outside, I was going to let him talk to them after he left. Thoughts?

And as far as what I am telling the kids about WH and I and what WH is doing, I have it all covered. laugh

Last edited by Scotland; 12/24/09 11:16 AM. Reason: made a mistake a HUGE MISTAKE

BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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Yup, that was good.

Now, DO NOT LET HIM IN!!!!!!!!! I know you already know this, but I want to make really sure.

If he's outside and calls, take the following steps:

1. Send the boys to a secluded room to watch TV.
2. Turn off all cell phones.
3. Walk over to the house phone.
4. Unplug the phone from the wall jack.
5. Lay the cord gently next to the unplugged cord from the answering machine.
6. Go watch TV with the boys.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Originally Posted by Scotland
I don't know about talking to him because I think I might cave if I were to do that. I am sure that he will call the house while he is outside(that has been what he has done twice this week). I wasn't going to let the kids talk to him while he was outside, I was going to let him talk to them after he left. Thoughts?

That sounds like the best plan, Scotland!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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SORRY TO SCARE YOU NEAK.

I was talking to my Dad on the phone while typing and then when I re-read what I wrote I was like NO I AM NOT LETTING HIM IN. Oops, I changed that now though.



BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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LOL!!! PWTS - Posting While Talking Syndrome.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Originally Posted by Scotland
Okay. I told the kids that Daddy may show up on Christmas morning. I told them that Daddy can't come in the house anymore because he doesn't live HERE. They know that I am doing my best to TRY to get Daddy to come home and that there is a possibility that he won't ever.
.... And as far as what I am telling the kids about WH and I and what WH is doing, I have it all covered. laugh


Yay

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((((Scotty))))),

You are doing beautiful sweetie.....Keep it up...

I know that whatever tomorrow brings, you will handle it as beautifully as everything else....

Here's some Christmas Cheer my mine to yours.....

:MerryChristmas:


Make sure you write down your plan of attack for tomorrow so it is embedded into you if/when WH comes over....

not2fun


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I honestly never thought that WH would even care about seeing the kids on Christmas day. I believe I have 2 options. Option one: I ignore WH when he is at the door and just carry on like he didn't exist. Stay VERY VERY DARK. (pro: this shows WH that he has to do things my way for a change. I keep all of my strength and pride and integrity. con: it hurts the kids).

Option two: I email WH telling him this "WH, I never realized you would want to see the boys on Christmas Day. They will be available for you to pick them up at 2pm and you can return them home by 9pm. "

What do you think?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Quote
Option two: THE INTERMEDIARIES email WH telling him this "WH, your wife never realized you would want to see the boys on Christmas Day. They will be available for you to pick them up at 2pm and you can return them home by 9pm. "

With the change to contact coming from the IM's, either option is a good one, IMO.

The main point here is not whether he sees the boys or not - it's that you don't see him or talk to him, and are in charge of what happens.

You making the offer to let him see them from 2-9 keeps you in control of what happens, and makes sure things stay on your terms.

Document everything.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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He may never agree to use the IM's, and that's ok.

My first time as an IM, the WS absolutely refused to use the IM's, start to finish. He was angry and rude to us a couple times first, then proceeded to email his BW every single time.

The BW had a fancier email than I do, and was able to forward all his emails automatically to her team of IM's, plus have them deleted out of her mailbox at the same time.

Thus evolved a limpy, triangular sort of system. WS - - - > BW - - - > IM's automatically - - - > response to WS.

It wasn't ideal, but it worked. Functionality is the test of success. You may need to wind up doing something similar if he refuses to use your IM's.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Thanx Neak that does sound better than me writing him. Funny I didn't even think of that one. The reason I was torn was because I really didn't want to break NC with him. I think I will get in contact with IM now and get them to write to him. I don't expect any response from him but this way I cover my butt. He can't say that I didn't allow him to see the kids. I don't see any judge making me let him in my house after he has moved out.

Frustrating sometimes. These Aliens need to get off of this planet already ahhhhhhhh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Wow, that was lucky. IMs were on their way out the door to go away for Xmas. They won't be back until Saturday Night. I asked them to email him with the info about tomorrow. That really does feel like the right thing to do for me. I know the kids will love to see him and I hope that he doesn't TRY to come in. I will lock the door behind the kids and hopefully he will get the point. This would be a better option for me than him banging on the door. That would have killed me and the kids.

Thanx and MERRY CHRISTMAS. I will be at my Mom's tonight and then I will be with the kids tomorrow. I will probably log on after the kids go to sleep tomorrow because I feel good being on here. I keep reading threads and other articles and learn new things every time.



BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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That's why you have all of us. laugh

Here are your 2 all-purpose rules for breaks in NC.

1. You shouldn't break NC yourself unless the Emergency Room is involved.

2. If a breach of NC happens for any reason whatsoever, handle it with near-Plan A behavior. Be charming and polite, smile and say hi, and get away from WS as fast as possible. (If, by some quirk of fate, the OW is there, pretend you don't even see her. She is nothing to you, and looking right past her is the most scathing thing you could ever do.)


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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You may want to think about having a backup IM for the few occasions when your regular IM's are unable to contact WH for you. I don't think anyone would even need to let WH know you had done this unless you had to actually use your backup.

Be watchful and don't get caught off guard. Your best defense against having him try to get into the house is to have the boys walking out the door as he pulls up.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Well we have an enclosed porch. There are two doors. The one to the porch and the one to the house. I am going to instruct the kids to go on the porch, I will lock the house door and then they can unlock the porch door. I just have to figure out what to do to get them back in without him following them. That I have almost 24 hours to figure out though.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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