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Okay, so I need some advice on what to tell IM to tell WH about him sending messages through the kids email about visiting with them and things he thinks he needs to get to me.

I would like to be firm yet not break all contact with his children.

He sent them a message today and it said

"Hello boys

Please tell mommy that if she needs me to watch you guys to just ask. Of course I want to.

If she is working sunday then I want to pick you up Saturday afternoon and have you sleep over to Sunday afternoon. If mommy does not like that then I can watch you Sunday all day at your house. She can use the truck to go to work.

I love you both. Missing you both.

I'll call tonight around 730. "

He's still not getting it and this is killing me to figure out what to do. I know you guys advised me to get IM's to be harder on him. Well, he did make a move. He called them and let a message (they had already left for Christmas vaca). They said that the message was positive and that he thanked them for being IM for us. That is a positive sign but he is still is not going through them.

What should I ask them to write? I want him to STOP sending messages through the kids like that one. I mean now I look like the bad guy in their eyes because I am sure they want to see their father and would love to spend the night with him but I am not about to let them go to OW house. I can't stop him from taking them there as it is not against the law here. But I can ask him not to take them to be with her.

AHHHHHHHH I just don't know what to get IM to tell him. I can make arrangements for someone else to watch the kids for me on the weekends but we had agreed to these times and I thought he would at least stick to this part since it involved his kids.

Lessons I am learning everyday. I am currently writing a draft of something to get IM to write to him. Lemme know what your thoughts are.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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this is the email draft that I will get IM to send. I am going to wait a bit to have a vet see if it is okay then I will let IM know they can send it.

Any edits are welcome but keep in mind I want him to want to talk to them so it can't be too harsh.

Thanx

"WH,

BW has asked us to pass on some messages for her.

Firstly, there may have been a misunderstanding about Sundays. BW has changed her shifts so that she starts at 10am so as not to wake the children up early when you go to pick them up. So, she had agreed to have you pick them up on Sundays at 9am and drop them off at 630pm. Also every other Saturday(starting NEXT Saturday, January 9, 2010) the same thing. If these times are not good for you please call us and let us know so we can pass on the message to BW and she can make other arrangements for a sitter.

She has also stated that you can pick up the boys on Wednesday nights from 6 until 830pm. Please call us and let us know that these times are okay or any changes you wish to make to them.

As far as sending emails to the kids. BW has asked that we tell you to stop sending messages through the kids to be passed on to her. It is not appropriate to put the boys in the middle like that and not fair. Any messages sent through the kids will be disregarded.

It has also been brought to our attention that you have exposed your children to your adultery partner. BW has made it clear to us that she finds this totally unacceptable and wrong. She would ask that you refrain from doing so in the future.

Please do not hesitate to call us and get us to pass on any messages you wish about the children or finances.

Thank you
IM


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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My first reaction is that the bit about the OW is too far down in the letter. Rather than appearing important, it looks like an afterthought. Unfortunately, there is a lot of information in this letter, all of which is important, so it's difficult to cut it down further. One possible way is to eliminate everything about the Sunday stuff as it is in response to the message sent through your kids which you are disregarding anyway. In fact, you can probably leave out the Wednesday stuff as well. Make the letter about (a) using the IMs only for passing information and (b) requesting that the children not be exposed to OW. Also for the latter, you may want to beef up your argument about that. As a wayward, he doesn't give a crap what you think is unacceptable and wrong. Perhaps if you changed the wording so that it's not what you think, but simply that children should not be exposed to adultery or adulterous behavior (or something along those lines where it's just a statement of a moral principal rather than YOUR moral principals - can you see the difference?).

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How's this?

Originally Posted by Scotland
"WH,

BW has asked us to pass on some messages for her. BW has asked that we tell you to stop sending messages through the kids to be passed on to her. It is not appropriate to put the boys in the middle like that and not fair. Any messages sent through the kids will be disregarded.

BW has also learned that you have exposed your children to your adultery partner. It is not appropriate for children to be exposed to adultery or adulterous behavior. This goes against the way they have been raised. To expose them to this would be morally confusing and unfair to them. BW would ask that you refrain from doing so in the future.

Please do not hesitate to call us and get us to pass on any messages you wish about the children or finances.

Thank you
IM

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hmmmmm That is a GOOD one. That's why I am waiting for other people's input. Taking the onus off of my morals would do a better job.

Could I maybe include a point for him to look at the children part of the plan B letter as visitations were clearly planned out there?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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It's a long time until Sunday. I'd ignore what he said to your kids and let him make a proper request through the IM.

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Or This:

Originally Posted by Scotland
"WH,

Please stop sending messages through the kids to be passed on to BW. Any further attempts to relay messages directly to BW through the kids will be disregarded. If necessary, any new messages to the kids may be filtered.

Additionally, it is not appropriate for children to be exposed to adultery or adulterous behavior. This is a serious concern as it goes against the way you and BW have raised your children. To expose them to this is morally confusing and unfair to them. Please refrain from doing so in the future.

Please do not hesitate to call us and get us to pass on any messages related only to the children or finances.

Thank you
IM


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Okay. I have made the changes and will send it to IM to send to him. I will also get cracking on making other arrangements for someone ELSE to watch the kids on Sunday (in case he falls through again).

What do I tell DS9 about what he should say to WH on the phone when WH tries to pass on messages?


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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What do I tell DS9 about what he should say to WH on the phone when WH tries to pass on messages?


Sorry Dad, you need to run that by the IMs.

If Dad argues, repeat as necessary or simply hang up the phone.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Thank You PM. Very good advice indeed. laugh I know that DS9 doesn't like being put in the middle and I have told him that his time talking to Daddy should be about their relationship and not about OUR relationship. This would be a better thing to tell him to do and say laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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You can have the IM's send a visitation calendar which you have prepared for oh, say, the next year. That alone sends a very good message, ha ha, and would break it down so it was much easier for him.

Mark out the holiday hours, dividing it up a la divorce. The IM's can let him know that the holiday hours are a proposal, and if he has a counter-offer he can let them know. They should also tell him that he should pick out a two-week period during summer vacation when he will have them full-time, and you will do the same.

If he is not able to provide adequate notice of not being able to care for them on a given day, he needs to provide a sitter. They are his responsibility during his times.

He needs to see what the rest of his life will be like if he pursues his present course. And that is just a pleasant side-effect of getting things organized the way you need them.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



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That's a GREAT idea Neak. They even have some available online that he could access at any time.


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Okay Neak I will get right on that. I did have it all WRITTEN out but I can actually put it in Calendar form maybe it will make it EASIER for him (GRIN).

We had agreed that he would take the kids when I had to go to work so I think I am just going to leave that the way that it is. It is every Sunday and every other Saturday. He is okay with it in theory as you can tell by his email but he wants to come in HERE still. He's just NOT getting it. Well, maybe the email from the IMs will help a little.

I will make backup arrangements (not my MOM [WINK])that I can call on short notice if he should not arrive, as I can not just leave my kids home alone and go to work.



BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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I would just ask the IMs to tell him "Scotland told us that you are trying to make arrangements through the children. Please don't do that, as the kids are getting uncomfortable. That's what we are for. We are glad to help you see your kids as much as possible, as long as you honor scotland's wishes."

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Okay so kinda off topic but this is an area where WH would have been the one to handle this and the kids are feeling it.

They play on this site called Roblox. Well, wouldn't you know it is no longer working on our computer anymore. DS9 asked WH about it today an informed me that WH is going to email him and tell him what to do but I am going to be the one who has to do it. I NEED to do this on my own.

I told DS9 that he could respond to WH email tomorrow and tell him "Thanks but Mommy is going to do it without the email." Or something like that.

I need to let him see that I don't need him anymore and the computer in our house is none of WH concern anymore. AHHHHHH Fred_VA maybe you know something that can help.

What the problem is that whenever they click on the play button it tells them to install it. We already have it installed. I erased the browser history and even uninstalled and reinstalled. Keep getting the same error. Anyone out there that can help? I will be on tomorrow to see if there is any helpful solutions. Thanx


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Scotland, I don't know the Roblox site or its games, but here's a link to its help section.

http://www.roblox.com/Help/Builderman.aspx

There is a link to "How do I reinstall the Roblox software?" which might be helpful.

I will be offline for a while beginning early afternoon (EST) as I will be winging my way across the Atlantic. If you don't get the answer there, please keep posting here. With all the smarts here, someone is sure to have the answer...


Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Hey Scot If you cant find help on Freds link,(which looks pretty good BTW), maybe you can call them directly on the phone.

If you pay for the time they should be able to help.

Also don't be satisfied with some technician that answers and you can almost "hear " him shrug his shoulders. Insist on being helped.

Your WH would probably have to do the same thing.

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I told DS9 that he could respond to WH email tomorrow and tell him "Thanks but Mommy is going to do it without the email." Or something like that.


If you don't want DS9 to pass messages to you from WH, then don't pass any to WH through him either.

You. must. be. consistent.

He asked for his father's help. If he is unable to fix the problem by using his father's email, then let him deal w/ it. You don't need to read it.

You won't be able to make WH stop passing messages through your son. The way to end it, is by insisting your son passes nothing to you or through you. At nine, he can totally do this.






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One thing you can try is to uninstall it. Go to "Start" then to "Control Panel", then click on a picture that says something about add or remove software.

Find the Roblox and uninstall it.

Reboot, reinstall and it will hopefully work.

I also recommend you do a search for a "free registry cleaner" and run that.

Hope this helps. I'm totally guessing on this, but this is what I'd do.


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If I may, "CCleaner" is what I use.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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