Originally Posted By: Soolee
I think that if a person even feels their physical well being is being threatened, they need to put distance between themselves and that person. I highly doubt that anyone would advocate reserving caution for after an assault.


Of course, and no one has said otherwise. But that is not the issue here. Feeling "controlled" is worlds away from domestic assault or feeling "their physical well being is being threatened." Do you discern the difference, Soolee? Because I get the impression from reading posts on this thread that some do not discern the difference.

For example, if my H punches me out that would qualify as domestic assault and MB would not "work" until this person got anger under control. But, if my husband does not like my friends and doesn't want me to hang with them, that is not "abuse", nor is it "dangerous." We don't have to call Bella Abzub to rescue us in the latter scenario, but should call 911 in the first. No one is debating that one needs to seek protection in the first scenario. But, to tell a newcomer that the latter is "abuse" and that "MB won't work" is false and inaccurate.

I DEFY you to show me ONE QUOTE where Dr Harley says "MB won't work" in the case of a "controlling" spouse. Show me where he has ever lumped everything into the same category as domestic assault and addiction and said that "MB won't work."

The issue here is a "controlling" and "insecure" spouse being labeled as "abusive" and then the OP being told that "MB doesn't work" in these situations. There is a huge difference between abuse that poses a risk of assault and "abuse" that is a garden variety lovebuster. Heck, the WORST abuse is ADULTERY and we most certainly don't tell people "MB doesn't work" in those situations. That is nonsense that cannot be supported by any of Dr Harleys works. There is NOWHERE that Dr Harley makes this claim.

Statements like this are misleading to newcomers and deter people who come here for help. This forum is for MARRIAGE BUILDERS, not an agenda that labels "controlling" as so abusive to be beyond the help of Marriage Builders.

Marriage Builders pays good money to maintain a forum to help people with their marriage problems and I don't think they should tolerate posters who try to mislead newcomers into believing that "MB wont' work." when we know darn good and well it WILL.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101