Sorting...I just read the bottom of your screen, and I wanted to say hello and I'm sorry for your recent loss.

I'm not an expert when it comes to military marriages, but based on what I've gathered with searching for the links I provided here a while back, the divorce rate is extraordinarily high.

There have been some discussions here that in some pre-deployment phases, some soldiers may actually sabotage their relationships for a number reasons - fear of death and the emotional toll it would put on the State-side spouse - fear that their spouse will have a harder time moving on if still emotionally connected - fear of their own fidelity - the wayward mindset that since they may be going into combat and facing possible death, they don't want to have to worry about their fidelity. Some, mind you, not all.

I've often wondered what each branch of the service offers in terms of support to these soldiers and what more our government can do to try and keep these families together. I did manage to find some links, though I have no idea if this particular forum is visited often or if anyone has found them useful. That's why I asked the OP if she has done anything in that direction.

The reverberating effects of deployment/war are tremendous - leaving many children orphaned or products of broken homes due to the stress it places upon the families. And it doesn't stop with that generation. Growing up without a father or mother affects how you, yourself, will parent and maintain relationships. Whether we know a soldier personally or not, war affects us all in some way.

That being said, one of my greatest wishes is that Dr. H would do some specialized work just for military families - put a supplemental program together and work with the chaplains and counselors of each armed force, to try and strengthen military marriages and the unique problems that come with it.

The MB program as it stands should work even in military marriages, but I do believe there is this particular psychological change that comes over a pre-deployment soldier, and that perhaps in his expertise, Dr. H could unlock the answer. Soldiers also often come home with debilitating PTSD. I hope someday that Dr. H will address how this affects marriages. (Keeping in mind this is a big forum, and perhaps it's already tucked in among the many articles and I just haven't found it yet.)

To Melody:

I want to apologize to you if yesterday I upset you in any way. It was not my intention. To answer your question, yes of course, I can discern the difference between domestic assault or not.

I can also appreciate your concern that the word 'abuse' is in fact, abused here.

You've been here quite a bit longer than a lot of people, so I have no doubt that you probably have the website down pat and know the program like the back of your hand. I hope someday that I can be just as knowledgeable with regards to MB concepts and Dr. H's viewpoints on everything he's included here.


I admire your passion for the program, and I wish you continued success with it.

Last edited by MBsurvivor; 01/22/10 08:18 AM. Reason: TOS


"Stop yappin and make it happen."
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."

Me 47
DH 46
Together for 28 years.
Married 21 years.