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It is frustrating to the max for our kids to be put in a situation we wouldn't approve of but I am sure your WH thought the 11 year old was mature enough to stand watch for a bit and that your 9 year old would be fine resting up.

Try to think the best there.

He is the dad and can make some decisions.

Granted, many of us would not, but , I believe it is legal in most areas for young kids to be at home without adult supervision.

You can check on the rules in your area.







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It isn't that the IM's can't get contacted, they are quite reliable. WH didn't even try to go through them, he just called me directly. We don't have voicemail on our cell phones and since that is the only way that my WH communicates and he is going to be in surgery today, that is why they won't be able to contact him until tomorrow. I also thought that a slight cooling off for me would be good too.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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Originally Posted by reading
It is frustrating to the max for our kids to be put in a situation we wouldn't approve of but I am sure your WH thought the 11 year old was mature enough to stand watch for a bit and that your 9 year old would be fine resting up.

Try to think the best there.

He is the dad and can make some decisions.

Granted, many of us would not, but , I believe it is legal in most areas for young kids to be at home without adult supervision.

You can check on the rules in your area.

In our area 11 year olds can be left alone. I was just angry that he would leave DS9 sick in the care of an 11 year old child. I just want to let him know that it is not okay with me. That is why I was going to have a cooling off period because my first instinct was to tell me that if he couldn't provide adequate supervision for our children that he was no longer going to have access to them. I have since cooled a bit and have decided that I am just going to tell him that I am not okay with that.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Sounds good Scotty

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Choose your battles Scotty.

I'm glad you had a cooling off period.

When you are "triggered" by something its always best to stop and consider first. Are you really angry? Or are you looking for a way to jab at WH?

This particular situation is over and done. What will come of your comments through IM? He made a judgement call with the situation he had to deal with -- ie. disappoint ds7 with a game that didn't work, haul sick ds9 to the store, or make a quick trip leaving ds9 with that girl. (Has anyone wondered where OW was during this?)

Any comment you make is going to make him defensive of his decision. He is their father, and these little issues will happen from time to time. You've got to somewhat trust his judgement, since your boys will be in his care. And he does have the right to handle things during his parenting time in the way he sees fit.

And your "I am not ok with it" is going to arrive at the same time he is dealing with his shoulder surgery. He's likely to brush it off. Ignore it. Be irritated. Meanwhile, OW is probably going to try pulling off the Florence Nightengale routine.

So she's probably trying to demonstrate her care and concern (while you are poking at him and critisizing him....)

I would say the timing is bad. Its likely not going to have a good outcome. And it will probably result with him telling the boys to stop telling you what happens during his time....

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I agree Lexxy. I was really angry and I was worried because what COULD have happened. I do understand that he didn't want to have DS7 be disappointed and he thought that DS9 would be okay with OWD 11 and he was right, this time. I guess it was a case of the "what if's". Many mom's would and do understand that. I want to always protect my kids.

As far as where OW was during all of this. She was driving. WH wasn't able to drive. So WH, OW and DS7 went to the store.

As far as trusting his judgments right now, this is something that pre-A he would never have done. It just was FOG filled judgments.

ALSO. I am really glad that I didn't break NC with WH last night. He called DS9 at 10am(just as I was leaving to go to work) and he said that he didn't need the surgery afterall. It wasn't as bad as they thought on Friday. I would have felt like an idiot if I had broken NC.

Plan B continues.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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After reading the different responses from others about the emergency incident I retract my suggestion for going after WH with guns blazing
TTyl Scot

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Thanx SO. I decided that I was reacting out of emotions. That is what used to get me in to trouble. I wasn't trying to jab at WH, I honestly didn't want to hurt him in anyway. I was just scared about the sitch and possible future sitch that he may have put my children in. It sucks sitting back and letting these sorts of things happen. It really did bother me and I realized it was more drama. A friend of mine even suggested that my WH may have even did it on purpose so I would react. I don't try to analyze it but that comment was humourous.

I have to find a way to save myself better in Plan B because I realized last night that I am still too involved. I don't want to be too hard on myself since it has been just over a month since I went in to Plan B, and I have had no contact with WH in any way on my end. I have tried to stay as dark as night. I need to darken my own thoughts too.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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How are you feeling, Scotty?

Seems your bug was a computer virus because it spread through my house, too.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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There's a lot of that going around here, too, though nothing quite as dramatic as your rockin' party! ~I~ have been fine.

Keep up the good work - you're so good at thinking everything through and not just reacting.

The recommended breaks of PB are few and far between. In cases which drag on for months, it's possible to periodically (v-e-e-e-e-ery periodically!) send a short, sweet card, letting them know you have a plan for R, and are still interested in being M to them.

If we had been talking about open heart surgery or something really risky, I think a decent case could be made for a tiny break in NC. Since it was fairly low-key, and then no-key, lol, you were completely and 100% right to stay dark.

Let the OW go all Florence Nightingale on him if she wants. It doesn't even matter if she does well. She isn't you, and will lack the intuitive care he knows he would have gotten from you.

This, and a thousand other things are piling up to contrast the two of you. In a contest with her and you, you'll win hands down every time.

And in the meantime, there's the little Flo-wannabe holding the emesis basin for her "soulmate".

grin


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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(coughs)

That is "stolemeat" thank-you-berry-much.

But the rest I totally agree with.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Everything goes well over here. I do come on here but when there isn't much to say, I just read other people's threads and try to help out where I can. Also, when I work on Wednesdays and Thursdays, the kids bogart the computer until after dinner. Today I had to fix the computer so they are playing Wii instead.

The boys had an awesome showcase on Tuesday night. They got to show off some of their work and they did songs and skits. WH tried to call, but we were unavailable. Then he emailed asking where they were and hoping that everyone was okay. I was a little mad about that because he can go 2 days without calling but the first day we aren't there like he expects he goes all "I hope you guys are okay." He knows that I am reliable and I guess he figures the boys will be there when HE wants.

WH even called last night and asked DS9 where we were last night while he was talking to him. DS9 said, "We are at home." Guess WH is just checking to make sure I am not keeping them out late or something. Oh well.

So something funny happened just before I left work today. One of my fellow employees told me, "So I heard OW is ugly?" I was a little surprised because not having worked days in MONTHS, I hadn't seen this employee in a long time. I said, "who told you that?" and she told me that an ex-employee had seen my WH and POSOW a while ago at a bus station. She now knows it was POSOW, but at the time thought they were "just friends". After this though, my feelings went in to a bit of a tail spin. Now I know why I shouldn't know anything about WH and POSOW. It affects me.

I am not sad exactly, but I am not as happy as before.

On another note, my bestfriend was telling me about how her DH is going away to military training and she wants to make sure that they will come out of this okay in their marriage. I loaned her HNHN and she started reading it. I hope that will help them. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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You're good people, Scotty. hug

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WOW. If I haven't said it before I LOVE MY KIDS. So as always when WH calls, DS7 refuses to talk to WH and says, "I am still mad at Daddy for leaving and I won't talk to him on the phone." Then DS9 says to WH, "Aren't you getting used to that Daddy, he has been saying that every time?" Oh, my kids are SMART. HAHAHAHA I love it. I couldn't think up the things they say and do. It's funny that other than reality the only pressure on WH and OW's A comes from my children. WH always commended me on the great job I did raising our children, I guess he gets to see how great. Hmmm is it bad that this made me feel SO GOOD.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by Scotland
....... I couldn't think up the things they say and do. It's funny that other than reality the only pressure on WH and OW's A comes from my children. WH always commended me on the great job I did raising our children, I guess he gets to see how great. Hmmm is it bad that this made me feel SO GOOD.

That is so sweeet Scotty.

I don't know if you read anything I rambled on about my late wife and the troubles we had in our marriage but the one thing I loved about her was she great with the children when they were young. Its why I wanted to work for my family and supply them the world.

Its great when your childrens character reflects the values that count and heck feel great about it scotty
Marriage isn't supposed to be all about the Children but it sure is something to be proud of. Prayin for ya.

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Well, it's weird how it is the smallest things that get to me. Thursday before I left work a lady mentioned how she had heard that OW is ugly. That sent me into a bit of a tailspin. Then today my XBIL mentions that my SIL(the one who lives with her AP) is having a bday party for her and AP's son and my WH is going and bringing POSOW. Everyone will be there. This is where he will introduce POSOW to MIL. Everyone will be one big "happy adultery family". Oh this is just making me sick. Funny thing is WH hasn't talked to his sister in more than 4 years because of her adultery as BIL was his BF. He also never attended birthday parties. WOW, it is funny how set off I got from one innocent little story. I told BIL I want to know NOTHING. He said SIL will probably post pics on FB anyways. I won't look at those. POSOW would be in the pics I am sure puke

Oh well, I guess this should help me to get closer to healing but it sucks so bad. AHHHHHHHH


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Jeez scotty I would be very upset too.

I gotta hand it to ya "Happy adultry family" is freakin funny as heck.

Do they have any vaccines around that can inoculate you from the disease?

Many times when ppl leave thier family they all of a sudden start doing things they didn't do before like the Bday Party and hangin with the other infidels.

You rock Scotty don't forget it k?


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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I am trying not to forget it. cool

It is hard to deal with this but I started to think that maybe this was good for me in two ways. I know I am not supposed to think about him but I still do, it's a fact. I actually look at the positives of this. If he is introducing her to his mother and sister and they are going to be a big "happy adultery family" then "reality" is going to start creeping in sooner and comfort is going to start coming through.

The second thing is for me. It was hard but I started to realize that he is moving on without me and leaving me behind. Well, that means I have to move on too. Not that I am not still in the mode that I WOULD try to R my M if he were to come home, but I need to move on without him too. I haven't been sitting around waiting for him, or even doing things because of him, but emotionally I have been wishing he would come home. Well, he MIGHT not. You know what, I will be okay with that. It will hurt, but it will be okay.

These thoughts gave me a different kind of dream today. I actually had a dream that I was dating someone else. He was a horrible kisser but I was moving on. That is one thing I miss about WH he is an AWESOME kisser. twoxfour

Okay OKAY. I gave myself the 2x4. I know what I need to be doing. It is hard to get over this stuff. WH called and left a message yesterday to just say that there was an accident on the highway and the kids would be late. It wasn't necessary and he never called before last weekend and they were later then. Guess he just keeps trying. I am not going to break.

I have some important mail for him too, and I was thinking about sending it to the IMs and they could tell him they have it. It means he hasn't changed his address and that bothers me. It was from his work and from the government about his license plate renewal. I had originally thought about sending it to his work in an envelope marked "CARE OF POSOW" but I decided that would be bad, FUNNY, but BAD. lashes


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by Scotland
WH called and left a message yesterday to just say that there was an accident on the highway and the kids would be late. It wasn't necessary and he never called before last weekend and they were later then. Guess he just keeps trying. I am not going to break.

I have become aware of how my WW tries to push my buttons to provoke a conflict at times. My therapist has opined that it is common for waywards to have a lot a repressed guilt, and to try to test BS's resolve and generate conflict.

You will not break Scotland, and I will think of you when my buttons are being pushed, so as not to break myself.

Have you set a date for the length of your Plan B?


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I have and I would like to keep that private in case I decide to change it myself in the future as the situation changes. I will say that I am in it for the long haul for right now. My HOPE is that I won't need to get to my deadline, but I do have one in mind. laugh


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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