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Hon, the child is 7 and needs to realize there are consequences for his actions AND his inactions.

I go through this with my 10 year old periodically - this is the kid that is most scarred from the Wookie's infidelity...and in no way shape or form should you REWARD a child for misbehaving...and that means having other kids come play.

It sucks big ol'pigeon poop covered rocks, but there it is.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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Thanx, I kind of thought that he went back only because he thought that meant his friend WOULD be able to come over. I know that I have to give him some consequences. ahhhhhh this was really bad timing on his part. Why couldn't he do this to me on Monday, when WH wasn't pulling his own crap? I guess I already knew what I had to do. No friend for DS7. DS9 should still be allowed to have a friend come over so DS7 sees that DS9 "played by the rules" so he gets rewarded. Well boogers(that's my swear word) this sucks. Thanx for the vent even though it was about the kids not the A and WH.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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Hon, I have 5 kids the oldest is 20 and the youngest is just in Kinder...you can vent about children with me till the cows come home and I'll commiserate with you twice as long.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

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I completely agree that he should not be allowed to have his friend over. I know he's hurt and confused- but he's kinda testing you guys probably. Especially since he's done this so many times lately that you didn't know about.

I think you need to set your boundaries here right now. Usually if you do not keep the punishment they won't believe you when you go to punish them the next time.

My oldest is 13- he was nine when I got remarried. We had some issues at school- he was in 4th grade. It didn't last long and we explained to him that kind of behavior would be unacceptable. I would most certainly punish in this situation- I have two smaller kids 8/9.

It's sort of letting them know whey can't pull the wool over mom's eyes. Three weeks ago my oldest decided to not ride the bus but walk to school after he'd been told not to do it. It wasn't that far- but any freak could have picked him up. He's been punished for three weeks. No TV, No games, No computer. He's punished just the same when he is with dad. I told him the other night "You know- mom and dad are going to win this thing- I will not give up- if you would only do what you're told to do none of this will happen. Boys! Teenagers!

This is just my opinion of course. I know they need extra attention and love right now from their sane parent- but they still have to follow the rules.

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>He's been punished for three weeks. No TV, No games, No computer.

He's lucky he can still sit down.


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

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On the other hand, instead of giving attention to the bad behavior with a punishment, you acknowledge the good behavior. Yes, you let the friend come over tonight, he followed his end. If you don't allow the friend over he will think it doesn't matter that he did what you wanted him to do, he is going to get punished either way.

While I agree it would show a child there are consequences, but the younger the child, the closer to time the consequence has to fall from the behavior.

Let it go tonight. But set it up with him in the future, and stay in contact with the teacher, a good report means he gets the computer that night, a bad report means he doesn't. Work this day to day.

As far as the scheduling with IM. Let WH know, through the IM, that schedules don't change unless he lets the IM know of his wanting to change and he hears back with YOU that you agree. e does not get to command what he wants simply by "calling" the IM. And also let him know, through the IM, that schedules should not be talked about with DS's until it has been cleared...

Please keep a note of this and if he makes an issue of you not letting him see the kids, then you will have an explanation of each event he claims he was left out...

As far as tonight, do not pretend to not be there...just not be there...go to a movie (where you have to turn off your phone) go someplace crowded, like a mall or place where it would be hard to hear your phone. If you like you can leave a note on the door..."WH, schedules made with DS and not through IM are not OK, go through IM."


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I know, it just really sucks that it is me ALONE that has to deal with this. My WH gets to have "fun time" with the kids and I have to parent. Sucks being RESPONSIBLE laugh I knew all of this was coming.

DS7 has always been a "spirited" child and it is hard to deal with for me. What I was wavering on was that he stayed at school and agreed to listen to the teacher so his friend WOULD be able to come over. I felt like if he does now listen and then I didn't let his friend come over he would believe that he would never get rewards for things he does do.

I took a positive parenting course a few years ago, and the teacher said that things that happened at school should have the consequences at SCHOOL not at home. She said it would be like me saying to the teacher, "DS7 didn't go to bed at bedtime last night, can you do something about it?" It makes sense but at the same time, I was imposing these restrictions on him.

OH PARENTHOOD. I wouldn't give it up for the WORLD.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

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Quote
things that happened at school should have the consequences at SCHOOL not at home.

This makes a great deal of sense.

Something I say to my kids quite a bit when they are having a "challenge" at school is...what do you need from me to help in this situation. We can generally come up with what the problem is...like bad grades coming from not doing homework for example. So my suggestion to them about how I can support them is to help take away distractions at home so they can do their homework, promise more time to support them with their work, will check it. We talk about those distractions (like TV or the computer) and talk about how to limit them. I promise that I will help enforce it, remind them, etc. So we come to the same outcome, but they see why these things have to happen.

So if you were to talk with your son about what he needs from you to support him with the challenges he's facing at school, what would he say? Perhaps talk with him about what about the class is bothering him? (Is he getting triggered at school, are kids teasing him, heaven forbid, but does someone there know POSOW?) If he is acting out, there is a reason behind it...and he may not be able to articulate it.

Perhaps spend some time together before, after, or instead of the friend over, whatever you decide, and dissect what happens in the classroom for him. My guess is there is something really bothering him and he is having a hard time articulating it other than to just shut down...

I would talk with him about events that lead up to this shutting down, what happens just before, and what happens during and after...


Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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Originally Posted by StillHereMakingIt
As far as the scheduling with IM. Let WH know, through the IM, that schedules don't change unless he lets the IM know of his wanting to change and he hears back with YOU that you agree. e does not get to command what he wants simply by "calling" the IM. And also let him know, through the IM, that schedules should not be talked about with DS's until it has been cleared...

Please keep a note of this and if he makes an issue of you not letting him see the kids, then you will have an explanation of each event he claims he was left out...

As far as tonight, do not pretend to not be there...just not be there...go to a movie (where you have to turn off your phone) go someplace crowded, like a mall or place where it would be hard to hear your phone. If you like you can leave a note on the door..."WH, schedules made with DS and not through IM are not OK, go through IM."

I know that WH has to learn that he can't just leave a message for IMs(although technically he left it on a bar's answering machine LOL) and expect that it is done. He has to get a response from me. I am just not going to acknowledge it either way as he didn't do what he was supposed to so it is another wayward "fart" HAHAHAHAHA

He is trying to push the issue of having the kids sleep over. I am just not doing it. DS7 has certain things that he MUST have in order to sleep, and I just don't send them with him.



BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Old lady disagreeing. I think he should get a visit, and just be told that he misunderstood what you were trying to say. However, if you want to reward and punish and the same time, maybe you could let his friend come over, but only for 1/2 the time he would've been allowed to stay otherwise. My, I'm glad my kids are all grown up!!!!!!!!!!crazy Ya hear that, Neak?

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I LOVE TEACHERS. Just wanted to write that before I started the rest of this. I think that the problem is that this teacher is too soft on her approach with "difficult" children and that DS7 sees this as an opportunity to walk all over her. My friend's son had this same teacher in Grade 1 as well, and she said he was a bad kid and a horrible student. Even suggesting that he needed to have an educational assistant for behaviour problems. Then the teacher left for maternity leave(it is a year here) and the replacement teacher told my friend that although her child was a C student, there was nothing really wrong with him. My DS7 and my friend's son have the same personality traits. I knew there would be problems and I think that my WH's A added on to this sitch and that's where we are now.

Thanx.

Last edited by Scotland; 02/05/10 02:52 PM. Reason: ummm do I speak english?

BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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That is a good thought, reward and punish. Hmmmmmm that is a thing I NEVER thought of before. Are you secretly a DOMINATRIX? SORRY NEAK just having a bit of fun with your mom rotflmao


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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That's kind of what it sounded like to me too, a melt down, that's why it might be helpful talking with him about what happened.

It won't be the last time he has to deal with someone in his life that has some power or control over him that he doesn't understand or respect...

If he has some valid concerns with the teacher he can come up with a way to talk with her or you can act as an advocate and go with him as he talks with her.


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I have to be creative with the way that I deal with him myself. I remember this one time(at band camp[sorry that is totally for the youngins at my job although they don't read here]) when my DS7 was 4 and we were walking home. We were walking with a friend and my DS7 wanted to walk down a different street. It wasn't the street where my friend's car was parked and I told him, "No we are walking down that street." Then he said he wasn't going anywhere and laid down on the ground. It was 40 minutes before he would move and even then it was only crawling. It was a trying time, but I knew that I had to go the whole nine yards or else I should have given up in the first place.

LIGHT BULB MOMENT. That is what I have to do with WH too. Geez, I always thought that DS7 looked like WH, but to realize that he may have the personality traits of him too OY VEY. HAHAHAHAHAHA


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Dominatrix? The grandkids might think so. I was a lot more laid back with my own kids, especially (if you ask Neak) with her baby sister, Neaksis.MrRollieEyes But then, my kids weren't nearly so screwed up, either. Long story. You may even have already read it, so I'm not going to repeat now.

I just thought that it might work to reward him for his wise choice, while at the same time showing consequences for his bad choice. The fact that you can do it all at the same time is just gravy. flirt

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Quote
Are you secretly a DOMINATRIX?

It's not a secret !
rotflmao


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Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! naughty

tl

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Are you secretly a DOMINATRIX?

yes


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Me too. I came by it honestly.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Originally Posted by Neak
Me too.

faintfaintfaintfaintfaint

tl

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