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Originally Posted by Scotland
BIL and new GF were going to go to the party SIL and AP were having for their 2 year old son. SHAKE YOUR HEAD> any rocks in there?

Again the "Happy adultry family" thing eh?
Its hard to soar with the eagles when you are surrounded by Turkeys

Your WH still expects you to bend to his wishes so he can be the perfect Dad huh? I have a feeling that... POSOW Promised WH that life would be just grand with her and that he would not lose his relationship with his boys. (WH hasn't realized half of the reason he HAD a good relationship with them was because YOu are their mom.) No BS Scotty really yur awesome.
I think POSOW knows this too. So she is scared he will spend time with you. Dummy OW Mu HAHhaAhahaha. she played right into your hands. She will never be able to fill your shoes Scotty, its just a fact. Your kids might have been born at night but it wasn't last night. They know who their Mom is and their will never be a lie good enough that they can tell them that explains why WH left Mom. Boys are about fairness and truth. most can spot that kind of BS a mile away and it seems yours can.

POSOM will never be able to fill his need for family Scotty. She can crawl totally up his behind and still not be able to puppeteer him to believe his family is whole. Whatever lie or fantasy that she is living in, or selling him will be revealed and he will have to admit to himself that he is crazy or become crazy. Then it will be a matter of pride and the willingness to admit being wrong that dictates his actions. If he has nuts he will admit he was an [censored] to you and the boys and come home.

I bet she has to tell yur WH how it will get "better" as he opens his heart to her about how things just don't "feel" right yet.

Keep doing what yur doin scotty, you have your eyes on the right place, Don't let him/them make changes to what you agreed to, I will bet that the POSOW is behind that too. A way for her to make sure her new man can get his "kid" fix. Behind him wanting o see kids is probably him wanting to see you. But you prolly allready know that


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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Thanx SSO-it means a lot to hear that I am a good person, because sometimes I really don't feel that way. Some times I get so mad at WH that I want to throw in the towel but I know that intellectually I don't want to give up, it is just in emotional times. My RL friends like it when I get MAD but I can't stay like that, it takes too much energy.

I try not to think about POSOW and WH too much anyways. Only when it has to deal with the effects on my kids.

If WH is feeling the effects of his A then good for him. I hope he does feel pain over his actions. I don't know if he has it in him to admit that he was wrong, ever. I am not worrying about him in that way because he has to deal with his own consequences.

In regards to the kids sleeping over at POSOW's house, I will not force the sitch until I am forced to by a court order. That will have to be done by WH since I am not going to file for custody since there is no need at the moment. The kids want to be with me, in their home.

I found out that WH also is now claiming that he is building the kids a new computer and he wants the one in the house, NOT BLOODY LIKELY. He took what he wanted when he left and didn't even mention wanting the computer. Apparently, he feels like the parts for the computer were paid for with his credit card and since I said that is his debt now, he decided the computer is his too. TOO BAD. He can go to court for that too if he wants it so badly. laugh I can play hardball too.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Plan A your kids.
Make HOME the "happiest place on earth".
Let them make "tents" and camp out in their rooms.
Have a living-room picnic dinner.
Devise a treasure hunt in the house, leaving clues around.
Have a mad-hatter evening where you all wear something that is not a hat on your head.
Play "indian poker".

http://www.pokersource.com/games/indian-poker.asp
Make pizza at home & have the kids choose their toppings.
Play the Captain Underpants Name Game and call each other by their secret name for one full day.

You get the idea.
Home = peace & no drama & fun & mom's cooking

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Use the third letter of your first name to determine your New first name:
a = poopsie
b = lumpy
c = buttercup
d = gidget
e = crusty
f = greasy
g = fluffy
h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky
k = flunky
l = boobie
m = pinky
n = zippy
o = goober
p = doofus
q = slimy
r = loopy
s = snotty
t = tulefel
u = dorkey
v = squeezit
w = oprah
x = skipper
y = dinky
z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = apple
b = toilet
c = giggle
d = burger
e = girdle
f = barf
g = lizard
h = waffle
i = cootie
j = monkey
k = potty
l = liver
m = banana
n = rhino
o = bubble
p = hamster
q = toad
r = gizzard
s = pizza
t = gerbil
u = chicken
v = pickle
w = chuckle
x = tofu
y = gorilla
z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = head
b = mouth
c = face
d = nose
e = tush
f = breath
g = pants
h = shorts
i = lips
j = honker
k = butt
l = brain
m = tushie
n = chunks
o = hiney
p = biscuits
q = toes
r = buns
s = fanny
t = sniffer
u = sprinkles
v = kisser
w = squirt
x = humperdinck
y = brains
z = juice

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OK Scotty -

Here's some MB food-for-thought for you to chew on.

In Plan B when the WH has not historically been a been a crappy husband pre-adultery, it is sometimes recommended to occasionally throw out some bait to the alien. Something that says, "Are you ready to come home? Sans OW?".

The risk of this is it draws you into their drama, a little bit.
You have to be able to gauge your strength in order to do this.
It's not done face to face.
More like a gesture, an olive branch. that says, "It's not too late to end your adultery and be a family."

If you get a non-response, or a hostile response, then it's the dark side of the moon.

Trust me, an olive branch from you causes waves of angst in adultery-land. Even if you do not get a positive response from WH, it causes angst.

I'd like you to think about this.
And then post your thoughts.

Neak is very good at brainstorming this sort of gesture.

Does WH have some sort of hobby/interest pre-adultery that he stopped doing when he became alien?


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Thanx Pep.


My new name is Zippy Girdlemouth.

DS9 new name would be Loopy Girdlemouth

DS7 new name would be Zippy Girdlemouth

well, that's going to be a little confusing. Funny thin is that DS9 is named after my WH so now DS7 would be named after ME HAHAHAHAHAHA


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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And, in case any lurkers in plan B are reading this ....

Quote
In Plan B when the WH has not historically been a been a crappy husband pre-adultery, it is sometimes recommended to occasionally throw out some bait to the alien. Something that says, "Are you ready to come home? Sans OW?".

You should not do this if you have not been in Plan B a month or longer, or if you are lousy at plan B and still feeling desperate and not in control of your emotional outlook.
You should not do this if your alien has an addiction of any sort, or is on their second, third, forth adultery, or has otherwise been a lousy husband pre-adultery.

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Okay, I KNOW that I could handle this via an email. I would want it to be short. Our dating anniversary is on the 20th and I will have been in Plan B for 2 months and 2 days by then. I would even LOVE to send it at 10:32pm since that is when I officially said, "Yes" to being his GF and he remembers the time as well(he even said this to me over the summer while active in A that twice a day when he sees 10:32 he thinks about us).

He plays an online RPG game but I don't know if he is still playing it. He would play for HOURS a day and we used to argue about the time he spent on there. Not a good thing.

As far as a hobby he did that he no longer does, well, he played Pool A LOT. My sister reminded me that he went to a pool tourney the day our DS9 turned 1. He was at the party a little bit late, but my sister was angry. It didn't bother me as much, we had agreed he would go. Well, he plays in a pool league on Monday nights and he had continued after he moved in with POSOW, but I realized a few weeks ago that he wasn't doing it anymore. We always enjoyed pool together, it was a great common interest and something I definitely miss.

LIGHT BULB-He has stopped reading books for almost a year. By golly I think I've got it. That is something that he given up and I commented about it to him. I don't remember the exact time period he stopped reading books before he went to sleep but this is something he did even before we started dating. Our first few years together was a long distance relationship(his parents live an hour away) so we used to write letters to eachother all of the time. He would often finish his letters with, "I am going to go read and then go to bed." It was something he thoroughly enjoyed and would buy books all of the time. He really likes Star Wars books. It is funny because at the exact moment he stopped reading books as much, I got in to reading.


Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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One more comment about the 20th, that is the Saturday that WH will have them until 630pm and then he will pick them up on Sunday again. That is just some additional info for the sitch.

See I already knew we were coming up on a BAD BAD BAD month. Our first date was a V-Day dance on Feb15th, we went to play pool before the dance. And then, 5 days later, we started "dating" officially. Then Feb 28th we had our first kiss. The Olympics were on then too and we watched them together, while on the phone with eachother(we were 16 and 18 what do you want? HAHAHAHAHA).

I knew February was going to be an extremely emotional month for me.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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I'd love Neak to weigh in here.
She's a mad genius.

YOU are a quick study my dear Scotty. hurray

I'm thinking more of a gift of some sort, and not an email.
Something tangible, to hold in his hands.

Like a pool cue.
Like a book about pool.
Some Star Wars treasure.

.... and a cryptic hand-written note he must HIDE from OW grin

"It's not too late."



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Are you emotionally ready to do something like this?

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Quote
�Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.�

Some Yoda quotes might be helpful! grin

Quote
�Do or do not... there is no try.�
Quote
Remember, a Jedi's strength flows from the Force. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression. The dark side are they. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Luke... Luke... do not... do not underestimate the powers of the Emperor or suffer your father's fate you will. Luke, when gone am I... the last of the Jedi will you be. Luke, the Force runs strong in your family. Pass on what you have learned, Luke. There is... another... Sky... walker.�


Quote
Beware of the dark side.




Last edited by Pepperband; 02/08/10 12:17 PM.
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Problem is that I don't know where POSOW lives. I could probably have my BIL find out for me since I know that POSOW lives near SIL and since BIL has to pick his daughter up there. I told him that I DO NOT want to know where she lives.....too tempting HAHAHAHAHA.

Hmmmmmm what about a new Star Wars book that he doesn't already have and write the note in the book. I can be evil sometimes. [EVIL GRIN]

Just brainstorming. We have time laugh

Even brainstorming about how I would get him the gift. If BIL search doesn't pan out, it could be delivered to their work, but I dunno. Throwing it all out there to create a good plan.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Remember, no expectations, right?
Stir the pot.
Offer the olive branch.
Sit back & plan A your kids.

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Originally Posted by Scotland
Even brainstorming about how I would get him the gift. If BIL search doesn't pan out, it could be delivered to their work, but I dunno. Throwing it all out there to create a good plan.

Depending on how strong you feel, and how brave ....

When WH drops the kids off, you meet him at his vehicle.
Holding your finger to your lips as if to say "Shhhhhh, no talking."
You hand him the offering, then silently go back inside.

JUST brainstorming....

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Originally Posted by Pepperband
Are you emotionally ready to do something like this?

I AM, oh wise one. grin

I know that it will throw me in a tail spin again but I will be prepared for it. It is something that I will initiate so I will have time to prepare. I also know that I have all of you here for the venting I will need. I am not expecting a good response, I am not even expecting ANY response. I will be bracing for a BAD response.

I CAN HANDLE THIS.



BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Originally Posted by Pepperband
Originally Posted by Scotland
Even brainstorming about how I would get him the gift. If BIL search doesn't pan out, it could be delivered to their work, but I dunno. Throwing it all out there to create a good plan.

Depending on how strong you feel, and how brave ....

When WH drops the kids off, you meet him at his vehicle.
Holding your finger to your lips as if to say "Shhhhhh, no talking."
You hand him the offering, then silently go back inside.

JUST brainstorming....

I even thought about that one only it would be on the porch of our house instead. Especially if POSOW is still coming with him, I don't know how much self restraint I have. OKAY j/k I have a lot but one can only take so much.


BW(Me)aka Scotty:37
DSx2: 10,12
DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09
Plan B Dec18/09
Personal R in works
Scotty's THING laugh
Newly Betrayed click here


Praying for walls and doors. Thanx MM

“Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.”
? Maya Angelou

PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

THANK YOU
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Lumpy KootieTush here.

(((((Use the force Scot))))))

But don't let it be the emporer telling you .


"YESSS yesss your rage is Powerful!!!, I see you are coming over to the dark side now!!"

Hold onto all the stuff you can scot and you are NOT being vindictive or mean to do so. Its pretty clear he doesn't see that he has moved out and left himself in this position. Mostly cuz he still seems to want to breeze in and take whatever he wants when he fancies.

HAng on Scottie
"The reactas canna take the stdain Captin"
"Dam those aliens and their green blood Jim"
"Thers some...thing,,,,on the wing!!!"

It will get better, take care of you

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Oh I like the olive branch plan too. But you will have to be strong and stay firm on your conditions of conversation. Not let him start on the kids and other subjects. He will try to get his old domestic fix and then blame you if you wont play nice prolly. I dunno if you should see him face to face. Send something IMO. That way he can't say "see how impossible she is? she wont even talk to me. and we have kids together?!!" Waywards are stupid


Me 56 Former BS
Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years.
4 children
DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4
Me former BS
DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr
DSs 26 and 23
Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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Originally Posted by Pepperband
Plan A your kids.
Make HOME the "happiest place on earth".
Let them make "tents" and camp out in their rooms.
Have a living-room picnic dinner.
Devise a treasure hunt in the house, leaving clues around.
Have a mad-hatter evening where you all wear something that is not a hat on your head.
Play "indian poker".

http://www.pokersource.com/games/indian-poker.asp
Make pizza at home & have the kids choose their toppings.
Play the Captain Underpants Name Game and call each other by their secret name for one full day.

You get the idea.
Home = peace & no drama & fun & mom's cooking

And all this at HOME wonderfulness ... will be talked about by the boys ... they just love sharing their fun with Mom, you bet'cha ! rotflmao

Every time one of the kids sez: "We did such-and-such at HOME" ... is a reminder to WH that HOME is where YOU are .... not adulteryland.

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