Got our other "son" returned home yesterday. The other family was a class act and got us a gift certificate to a fancy local restaurant as thanks for "boarding" their son. Unexpected. Welcome.

I told Mrs. Hold that I do not want a big party or event to celebrate my 50th birthday. We had a big party for my 40th and I had a terrible time and fell into a depression from which I have never really recovered. She was sad to hear I am so disappointed in my life but promised she will respect my wishes.

We had good intimacy. No sex. Which is pretty much where my head is these days. I still resent her enormously. In the past that did not interfere with my desire for her. Now it does.

She said I am messed in the head and need help. I said we both are. She said "yes, 2 peas in a pod." I said "it is too bad that we could only hurt one another and not help each other heal. It would have been a beautiful thing to heal each other."

Of course, people do not heal each other. They have to heal themselves first.