I realize the reason I refuse to work out with Mrs. Hold is my shame. And my lack of trust that she will react well if I share my true self with her. Those are within me. I am still not ready to share the "real me" with her in all areas. Working out is too closely tied to sex for me to open myself in that area.

Yes, I am sure that my being a "nice guy" caused her to choose me. Not with the intention to "use" me. Rather because she felt safe with me. When in reality that was the farthest from the truth. I have put intense psychological pressure on her to perform sexually, by conditioning my happiness in life on her sexual availability. I was just less urgent in making my demands. If I had been more overtly "pushy" earlier on, instead of being accommodating on the outside but seething on the inside, then she probably would not have chosen me. Because she would have felt threatened and insecure. Which would have been a more accurate reflection of my true position.

She made the mistake of paying attention to my behavior instead of my words - in most cases the wise choice. But in this case, I behaved as if I were much more willing to tolerate her lack of sexual availability than I actually was. I was just too wimpy to insist on what I wanted. Yes, she could have been more accommodating when became more insistent. But I believe her failure to do so was, at least initially, more about fear and pain than about any desire to take advantage of me. Although at this point she may feel she has no choice but to maintain the status quo regardless of its impact on me, given the passage of time, children, finances, etc.

When you can see it coming, duck!