Do not blame yourself for her choice to jump back into the A. That was 100% her choice.

A's are extremely addictive! Even if she had flown out to say goodbye to you, she would have found another reason to justify her jumping back into the A.

You were absolutely right to call her out on her responsibilty to tell you that she wanted to see you, no matter what. When she finally told you how she felt and you explained how much you DID want to see her, that would have been enough to smooth over any hurt feelings she had...if she wasn't engaged in an A.

She continued to hold onto this issue b/c she needed it to justify her affair, not b/c it was an unforgiveable incident.

So please stop beating yourself up over it.

And now I feel like she's going to be so angry and so betrayed over turning her in that there's no chance of her ever forgiving me.

It's tough to stay angry forever. W/o an ongoing affair. Once she gets through W/drawals she will begin to think clearer. By then you will be home. Don't give up hope.