Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
One of my good friends, smart guy, is telling me I'm going about this entirely the wrong way. He's saying she'll never, ever forgive me for ruining, or trying to ruin her job.
lol, I used to think the same.
When I first read about exposure, I thought, OMG that is the most ridiculous thing that I've ever heard!
I should be able to just ask my WH to stop seeing OW, go to MC, and live happily ever after.

Then, the more I read, I came to understand that A's are like addictions. People in general, don't like to
give up their addiction, and WS's esp. WW's don't like to give up their romantic fantasy.
WS's need a bomb to bring them back to the reality of how immoral their behaviour is.
I was also brought back to that reality, it cleared my fog too. I didn't want people to know of my WH's A,
I was ashamed, and I thought that his actions were a reflection on me, and my lousy ability to be a wife.

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Pretty much all my friends were on board with the exposure, but none of them think that it can possibly lead to saving the marriage.
Think about your options Jeff.
You could say nothing, and WW would continue to see OM.
The A could die on it's own or the OM could dump your WW. No one but the three of you would know.
WW would not learn that there are consequences to betrayal in M, and you would be left
not ever feeling safe in your M. Adultery cannot and should not be swept under the rug.

You could plead and beg for your WW to come back, this would likely have no effect considering the addiction aspect of OM.
Should you have to plead and beg for your spouse to give up a third person in the M? I don't think so.
I know myself, I didn't want to be a sympathy case, I wanted to be the best choice.

The best chance that you have to restore your M, is to first end the A,
all the while showing WW that you are the best choice.

And, it may not save your M. You can only control your half of this, she has control over her half.

So, all you can do now, is to continue to show her that you are still here, and that you are the best choice.
Stand your ground against accepting adultery,(Stick part of Plan A) meet EN's as best as you can, and avoid LB's,(Carrot part of Plan A).

There was a lot that I didn't understand either as I was going through this, and boy did I question myself about what I was doing.

You're doing great, we all know how hard this is. smile


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA