Originally Posted by ConfuzedHusband
Gerka (and others saying it is our job to support [aka encourage / enable] his plan to save the marriage,

I couldn't disagree more. True friends, or true people committed to helping others, don't hold back on what's in their heart. I've read every post in this thread. I've also been in Gerka's shoes. I wanted badly to recover my M as well, at first.

So I vehemently disagree that we need to not speak our hearts and minds just to respect Gerka's "decision" if we don't agree with it.
Since it was I who voiced the opinion that we should support Gurka's wish to recover his marriage, let me clarify my position since I think I didn't express it well enough.

I think it's fine to disagree with his decision. But it is his decision and I think it should be respected. Voicing one's opinion that he should reconsider is not out of order. Castigating him and berating him for wanting to do so is.

There may be a fine line between opining and browbeating.

FWIW, I received many differing opinions about my own situation. There were some very strident voices urging me to pull the plug. Which is what I wound up doing.

MelodyLane perhaps, best typified the point I'm trying to make. She was one of those who echoed the "let her go" refrain to me. Yet she continued to offer me support and advice all through my process, and does so to this day.

Disagreeing does not mean being disagreeable.

Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi