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To be fair I've always given great gifts, a lot of times for no reason. When confronted about the affair, WW was vilifying our marriage and said, "Cute gifts and flowers all the time don't make a marriage!"
The Disney DVDs are on the way. I'll continue to kill with kindness.
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The Disney DVDs are on the way. I'll continue to kill with kindness. Remember, NO (Positive) expectations... You should be expecting a mean, spiteful e-mail from her telling you that she hates you, that the marriage is over, that you've ruined any chance you had because you ratted her and OM out, stop sending her stuff.... blah blah blah Remember, it will take her some time to get over her anger and her feelings for the OM. Hopefully, his ignoring her phone calls will speed this process up a bit! Semper Fi, RIF
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Well I didn't get a reply to the t-shirt thank you. Should I continue to send short, positive emails every 3 or 4 days or so?
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Yeah, I think every 3-4 days is about right...
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Communications should be evidence of some EN-supporting behaviour however. "chat" annoys the doot out of active waywards.
You know what her high ENs are Gerk ?
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Affection, conversation, sex are both of our top 3.
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**Edit**
Last edited by Breezemb; 05/01/10 10:42 AM. Reason: TOS harrassment .... Please stop this now!
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"Baby I was remembering that time we spent in *******. You looked so beautiful, and we laughed about **** till we almost cried.
My favorite part was ****
Good times !"
etc
Conversation, affection and a reminder of what CAN be between you without begging or haranguing.
Do not expect a nice response however. Reminders of great times you had will sting and she may deal with them harshly for a while yet.
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Helpthelostdads
Plan B may be a good idea, but it has to follow the best plan A possible else it is just " separation".
Gerk is in a tight spot regarding being able to meet his WWs top ENs but it is right and necessary to make the most of this circumstance before going to plan B if Gerk wants to try to save his marriage.
You may not choose the same path in his circumstances, but thats ok, because you don't have to. He has chosen his path please support him in it.
All blessings.
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helpthelostdads, I understand what you're saying, and I may be saying the same thing some day.
But I love my wife. I value her and our relationship. I've made a lot of promises that I intend to keep. "For better or worse" doesn't just go out the window when "worse" comes along. I'll fight until I can't fight anymore, and hope that she comes around. It won't be fast and it won't be easy, and it'll hurt more than a little. But that's usually how doing the right thing goes, in my experience.
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helpthelostdads, I understand what you're saying, and I may be saying the same thing some day.
But I love my wife. I value her and our relationship. I've made a lot of promises that I intend to keep. "For better or worse" doesn't just go out the window when "worse" comes along. I'll fight until I can't fight anymore, and hope that she comes around. It won't be fast and it won't be easy, and it'll hurt more than a little. But that's usually how doing the right thing goes, in my experience. Good for you. I feel the same way about my sitch. Keep strong.
AnnaBelle Rose
Me: 29 WH:31 DS: 22mths M: almost 6 years, together 7 1/2
I am not a mistake. - ABR
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**edit***
Last edited by Revera; 05/01/10 11:00 AM. Reason: TOS harassment
Formerly ConfuzedHusband
BH
WW (Now XW)
Married 4 years, No children.
EA/PA from 2/2008 to 5/2008.
DDay: 5/17/2008 - Separated 6/1/2008 - Filed 8/3/2008
Divorce final 3/2009.
Now in a committed relationship with a woman of character who loves me so much better and deeper than I ever dreamed possible. I had no idea what I was missing out on and am so grateful God gave me a free "second chance" at love and life.
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This poster has asked for help in saving his marriage. If you can help him in that regard, then please post. Otherwise, you should refrain from posting.
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G,
Just be consistent. Every 3 or 4 days e-mail her. I can assure you, that she reads everyone. She's just a little preoccupied at this point. Did you ever forward the additional proof that your wife has tried to contact the OM? I live in AZ too, the weather has been cool (45 last night). But I can assure you that things are going to get very hot (literally & figuratively) for your wife very soon.
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**Edit**
Last edited by Breezemb; 05/01/10 01:53 PM. Reason: TOS - Do not overwrite a moderators previous edit
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**EDIT**
STOP!!!!!
Last edited by Revera; 05/01/10 02:17 PM.
Formerly ConfuzedHusband
BH
WW (Now XW)
Married 4 years, No children.
EA/PA from 2/2008 to 5/2008.
DDay: 5/17/2008 - Separated 6/1/2008 - Filed 8/3/2008
Divorce final 3/2009.
Now in a committed relationship with a woman of character who loves me so much better and deeper than I ever dreamed possible. I had no idea what I was missing out on and am so grateful God gave me a free "second chance" at love and life.
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But I love my wife. I value her and our relationship. I've made a lot of promises that I intend to keep. "For better or worse" doesn't just go out the window when "worse" comes along. I'll fight until I can't fight anymore, and hope that she comes around. It won't be fast and it won't be easy, and it'll hurt more than a little. But that's usually how doing the right thing goes, in my experience. Wow... Gurka - I told BobPure that he and his Squid were going to make it way back in 2004... it was a long hard road for both of them, but they HAVE made it. The reason that I told BP this was because he displayed the same maturity and determination to fight for his M that you are showing! The MB program works. It doesn't work for everyone, but IMHO, one of the most important factors is when a BH/BW sets their mind to doing whatever it takes and showing their WS their love by their consistant actions. You may eventually decide that your efforts are not worth the pain later on down the road, and that will be OK if you do... If you do decide to divorce, I can assure you that you will do so knowing that you've done absolutely everything that you could to try and save your M. Semper Fi, RIF
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I'll continue with the emails, talk about what I've been doing and throw in some good memories too. So I'll send the next one Monday night.
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Hey Gurka,
Sounds like a good plan. BobPure has LOTS of experience with the exposure stage and Plan-A immediately afterwards when your W will be in withdrawal from the OM...
You're doing great and hope your having a safe day over there today!
Semper Fi,
RIF
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Yeah, I feel like this would all be so different if I could just be there with her. It's easy for her to distance herself from our marriage when I'm on the other side of the planet.
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