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Just to be clear, I'm not telling you to sign it. wink I was just saying that was her message to you.

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Yeah I got it. wink

At this point I'd have to be crazy to waive my right to appear in court in a divorce with her. She could ask for alimony and get it, she could ask for everything I own and get it. I don't trust her.

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Good man!

So, getting back to your plan...

I would completely ignore her "you're crazy" remarks. They are nothing but clear manipulations.

Since you just talked to her today, I'd wait another four days or so before you sent out another upbeat email.

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Oh, and I would include parts of Ouch's letter to your MIL, when you write to her again asking for her help.




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You really think I should wait another 4 days?

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
So my next move is to just write another casual, chatty email on Saturday, with a post script saying, "I understand that you feel like giving up on our marriage, but I don't, and I'll continue to try to be the best husband I can be."

I'd hold off on relationship chat on the email. You told her where you stood. There is no need to rehash it again so soon.

As for why she wanted the D waiver signed, I view it as one of two reasons:

1) She needs it signed for some reason.
2) She just got reprimanded and is wanting to lash out at you as a result.

For reason 1, I would defer to RIF. I don't see how signing the waiver would help her with anything other than an easy divorce. Maybe she's one of those relationship jumpers that just wants to hurry up and jump into a new relationship because she no longer has someone to meet her needs.

For reason 2, I could see if she just got reprimanded, a vitriolic email just isn't enough to let you know all the hate she has for you, so she needs to convey over the phone all her craziness. It's no fun to tear into someone if you can't hear their reaction. You haven't been responding to her provocations in her emails, so maybe calling you on the phone would provoke you.

Either way, just keep doing what you are doing. You are in a better place than you were just a few weeks ago. You have a NC order in place, and your WW is not only responding to your emails, she is calling you up. I see her requesting the waiver as a way for her to save face, a way to quickly run away, move on, and act like nothing ever happened, and you were just a crazy, jealous, a-hole. She's afraid of you reengaging her in the relationship, thereby confirming it was she who was the bad guy in the relationship not you, after she had spun all these stories to those around her about you that weren't true.

As for the false accusations against an officer, how does she plan to prove you lied about something that actually happened? That would be a mistake, like Roger Clemens suing Brian McNamee for slander. She would just open herself up to a whole can of worms she would not want to deal with. It was a very hollow and easily seen through threat. I just find it comical.


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story
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Hey Gurka,

There are some good ideas floating around about why she wants/needs the waiver signed so quickly... I really don't have a clue, but I tend to agree with LG in that the investigation might not be over.

She might have lied to the investigating officer and told him/her that you've already signed it and agreed to the divorce, so maybe she needs it to "prove" that she's not lying (Remember, most people get in trouble for lying during the investigation, not for adultery!)

Regardless, I think that her need to contact you just shows how conflicted she is over all of this... she continues to threaten (I almost spewed my water when I saw that she was going to "sue" you for false allegations against an officer" ha ha ha rotflmao

I'd be prepared for more phone calls, and now that you know what to expect, you can be even more prepared when she calls. I still think its best to limit the relationship talk over the e-mail because it's always so easy to misread something... but again, I recommend that you do what you feel the most comfortable with.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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GG:

About this one:

Quote
For reason 2, I could see if she just got reprimanded, a vitriolic email just isn't enough to let you know all the hate she has for you, so she needs to convey over the phone all her craziness. It's no fun to tear into someone if you can't hear their reaction. You haven't been responding to her provocations in her emails, so maybe calling you on the phone would provoke you.


If she had gotten reprimanded, she would have been more specific about mentioning it. Especially in a phone call, once the valve of the mouth is opened, its hard to hold back. And she wasn't holding back in the beginning of the convo.

She is feeling the pressure of the investigation. Some how, some way. She thinks that she is past the worst of it, however. But she realizes, deep down, she isn't. Her achilles heel is sticking out, and she knows it. She could have stated to the investigators that the D is well underway, and she needs SOMETHING to support that. You mailing here the waiver gives her that something. So that makes sense to me.

Send something nice to your MIL. Add some of the stuff from "ouch's" post, and make note of the wedding/gifts/sorry you can't be there.

Tell her you talked to WW on the phone. Tell her that she sounded angry in the beginning, but she had cooled off by the end, nothing more than that.

LG

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RIF, do you think I should hold off on emailing for another 4 days, or stick to my regular email schedule?

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Originally Posted by Gerkaguards
RIF, do you think I should hold off on emailing for another 4 days, or stick to my regular email schedule?

If RIF told you to jump off a bridge, would you? wink Just kidding.

Seriously, I would stick to your regular schedule as if that relationship discussion yesterday (or today depending on your time zone) didn't happen. It lets her know you were undeterred. Do not reference relationship talk at all in the email. The only thing I might put in their about the phone conversation is that it was "nice to hear her voice again."


Jim

BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
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Sounds good, thanks Jim. smile

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If RIF told you to jump off a bridge, would you? wink Just kidding.


hee hee... I'd never tell Gurka to jump off a bridge!!!

Seriously, I think that by sticking to your original time-line to e-mail will make her want to contact you more...

She's obviously grasping for something, and I think LG is right... the investigation probably isn't over and she's trying to cover up a lie that she told the investigating officer.

You've shown her by your actions that you will not stand for her to be involved in an A and that you are working to save your M. Right now, she's still mad at you for breaking up the A, and probably still misses the OM a bit... although, I suspect that she's starting to withdraw from OM because she's starting to increase her contact with you... even if it is to threaten you and tell you what a "bad/mean" person you are!

Let her keep persuing you either on the phone or e-mail. You know what's going on and you are in control of this situation. You don't know the final outcome, but you do know what her actions are going to be based on what you've learned here... she doesn't have a clue about what's going on, with you, with the OM, with her, with her career.... that's why it's important for you to be the best husband that you can be right now in order to draw her heart back to you.

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Originally Posted by RIF
Quote
If RIF told you to jump off a bridge, would you? wink Just kidding.


hee hee... I'd never tell Gurka to jump off a bridge!!!

Semper Fi,

RIF

WWEEEELLLL, if Gurka was the good LT, wouldn't he ask "Which Side, SIR?"

Or is this the new Army, where he would ask: "After You, SIR!"


rotflmao


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Something that hasn't been discussed yet, is your WW sisters wedding, and the opportunity this presents to get your wife thinking about your wedding and commitment.

Remind her that when she sees her sister getting married to remember your wedding day. The love you felt for her. And your hopes that her sister will have a wonderful day and a fantastic marriage. Tell her that when she hears them making their vows, to imagine that you are there next to her, holding her hand making your vows to her all over again. Because you would be. That no matter what she thinks or how she feels about you at this moment, it in no way makes you second guess yourself about your love for her and your hopes for your future together. Not what she has done, or her anger with you. That you love her and hope that she has a wonderful day with her family.

In doing this, you are not really talking about your relationship presently. You are speaking of the past and the future. It is important that she hears this b4 the wedding. Hopefully as close to it as possible. You want her thinking of nothing else, but how much you love her. And your commitment to her. Then go silent till after the wedding. Giving her plenty of time to think about what she has done and your forgiveness. You will notice there is no accusations about what has happened. Only focusing on your love for her and your ability to rise above what has happened. To focus on what is really important.

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Ouch, you're such a romantic! smile


Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
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In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Unless her heart as turned to rock, this could scrape away a lot of the callous she has built around it. I believe she is a romantic too. And that she may put up a good front, but when she hears "Forsaking all others do you promise to keep yourself only unto him (loose paraphrase)" that she could become a mascara and snot running mess. Not to mention what she will be thinking about herself when her family looks at her. This could be a great benefit to Gurka.

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I love love LOVE your suggestions, Ouch!

ALL of them!

They are perfect!



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she could become a mascara and snot running mess.

I hope they take the family wedding portraits BEFORE the ceremony!

tl

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Good morning Gurka! Happy Friday!!!

You're getting some great ideas here... I especially like the one Ouch has about talking with your wife right before her sister's wedding...

Hope you have a great day today!

Semper Fi,

RIF

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Got this email from her overnight:
I'm going to need my stuff and I want to see how we are going to arrange that. I have this feeling that you will destroy it all when you get back--since you are being completely unreasonable at this point. For that reason I do not want to wait till I PCS to retrieve it. We need to be able to talk about the details of this stuff.

I don't see how you think you are going to stay married to me without ever talking to me, but clearly none of this is working. There are things that I need to try to work out before I class up and my own personal safety to ensure. I highly suggest that you contact me soon and be prepared to have a civil and reasonable conversation with me. I am at the point of writing your chain of command concerning the threats that you have made toward me and the instability overall that you are demonstrating. If we don't have a productive conversation soon I will be doing that next.

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