While I probably would have advised you against sending that last email, I sent quite a few of those myself during my WW's A. I would small-talk and avoid R talk for a week, and then she would act in a way that I felt the need to write her a similar type letter, even if it really didn't help our situation. I guess it was more for me and my own sanity. It didn't hurt my situation that much; I'm still married. As long as you send these messages infrequently, I think you'll be alright. They may not serve there intended purpose, but it isn't a huge LB. They key is to keep these messages infrequent.

Now that you have reestablished a back and forth dialogue with your WW, I would up the emails from twice a week to 3 times a week, and I would probably call her once a week at a set time. Get into a routine. Email her M-W-F and call her Sat. That way she knows it's coming and maybe slightly looks forward to it.

When you get on the phone, she's just going to want to lambast you, so I would just work on diffusing things the first few times. "Listen, I cannot take anymore of this kind of talk. Can't we just talk about something else, like what's going on with you or how your family is doing?" Then when she goes, "No, you blah, blah, blah," You calmly say, "Okay then, I hope you have a good day then, bye," and hang up. That way she'll learn she can only talk to you in a respectful manner. YOU take back control. I also think she'll be taken aback by YOU hanging up on HER. SHE'S the one that should be hanging up on YOU, after all, YOU are pursuing her. By doing this, you switch things around and make her the one pursuing you, even if it is just to yell at you at first.

Last edited by jmwc95; 05/14/10 08:57 AM.


BS - 32 (me)
FWW - 33
Married 8/31/03
No kids (but 3 cats)
D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA)
NC agreed to - 11/8/06
NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07
Status - In Recovery
Jim's Story