Just re-read this thread and was trying to figure out why we were calling you "Badger" till you said you'd changed your screen name. Good idea, since the nickname was a trigger.

You believe you "drove him away." While it is important to recognize that he made choices that moved him away, it is equally important to examine the behavior you think helped make him want to move away from you.

You allude to being "hard to get along with." In what way? Do you have angry outbursts? Say disrepectful things to him? Make selfish demands? Ignore him? You are 50% of your marriage, so your actions have impact. He's said he is "afraid of you." My FWH said the same thing! Not afraid I could physically overpower him, but afraid of the slings and arrows I could deliver (and sadly, often did, sometimes with harsh words, sometimes by simply ignoring him while I took care of the house, the kids, my job, etc). Those things HURT him. Just as he was doing things that hurt ME. Still, the only behavior we can control is our OWN.

You must identify what you do/did that made you "hard to live with" and change those behaviors! I'll bet you didn't do those things when you were dating, or in the early, happy years of your marriage. Doing them erodes love. You know this, and it is within your power to change your behavior. Read up on Plan A. Get the book "Love Busters" and find yourself in it. "His Needs Her Needs" will show you the things that build love. Learn about those things too.

I think there is a lot more to this story than you know. Your H is acting like a full-out wayward. This "short emotional tryst" may have been neither short nor merely emotional. Who told you she has moved on to the next guy? How did you find out about her in the first place?

Another important question: How old is your husband?

Me BS 61
Him FWS 63
Married 40 years
D-Day 6/30/06
Still can't believe it.
6/08 Recovering nicely. Anything is possible!