Originally Posted By: 2long

I'm with Frank Pittman. People who believe they can (or should) sustain romantic love indefinitely are fooling themselves. It is the "caring love" that the Harleys describe that is sustaining.

2Long, here is what Dr Harley believes and I hardly think he is "fooling himself." He actually tests the strength of this program by giving a test to his clients to measure the level of ROMANTIC LOVE they feel for one another. He doesn't just make willy nilly, unsubstantiated claims:

The difference between my approach to saving marriages, and the approach of most other therapists, is that I focus on building romantic love (being "in love") between spouses, rather than simply focusing on conflict resolution. As it turns out, I also address conflict resolution, but I do it in a way that builds love between spouses.

Since most marital therapists fail to address the romantic love issue when they try to help couples, their approach to conflict resolution usually fails to build love, and as a result, the couples divorce, even after "resolving" some of their conflicts.


My experience with couples agrees with the results of this study. In successful marriages, spouses expect to change to accommodate each other's needs, so when a spouse registers a complaint, it's a signal for action. In failed marriages, on the other hand, spouses expect to be accepted as they are, without change. A complaint is interpreted as an unwillingness to love unconditionally, a failure of the complaining spouse. So instead of adjusting to the complaint, the defense is offered, "if you really loved me, you would not try to change me. You would let me continue to do whatever it is I'm doing."

entire article here

You seem to have bought into the crap that most therapists sell, that romantic love is impossible. And yes it is for them and their clients. That is where Marriage Builders differs from the others.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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