Originally Posted By: MelodyLane
Originally Posted By: 2long
[I'm with Frank Pittman. People who believe they can (or should) sustain romantic love indefinitely are fooling themselves. It is the "caring love" that the Harleys describe that is sustaining.

Thank goodness this is a load of CRAP. Anyone who has actually used this program in the way it is intended will tell you that it is ROMANTIC LOVE that is sustaining. Caring love does not sustain anything other than peaceful co-existance. That is not what Dr Harley subscribes.

2funny, Mel! I don't really think that the Harleys are so inflexible that they can't apply different approaches 2 solving marital problems. That was my experience with Steve, at any rate.

Frank Pittman:
People who think they can't endure life unless they are "in love" are dangerous. After thirty-seven years in the trenches of family therapy and thirty-seven years in a totally committed, totally realistic marriage, I have come to see "romantic love" as an absurd, albeit delicious, crisis-induced escape from sanity, a narcissistic intoxication with no relationship to loving

Despite it all, if one is unpartnered and alone, romantic love can be a resolution to loneliness as magically ecstatic and lifesaving as Robinson Crusoe's spotting of the footsteps in the sand. While it will not last, the fact that it was once there and that memories of it can be conjured up from time to time makes a resultant marriage feel special and right. Of course misery (and/or an extensive sexual and romantic supporting cast) can result if the partners are so foolish as to require continuation of their romantic high for a lifetime.

John Gottman finds in What Predicts Divorce that long-term marital satisfaction comes from factors such as companionship and friendship, and the ability to provide support, validation, and understanding, rather than passion and in-loveness. It seems to me dangerous for people to stake their happiness in life on romantic love. They are ecstatic when they experience that most engulfing flight from reality, but miserable when they don't. Romance can pull you out of a funk, but it has far more side effects than Prozac.

-ol' 2long