Originally Posted by johnstwin
One of the last movies she watched jumped out at me, "The Other Man" about a woman leaving her husband for a new man.

I agree.
I try not to jump to conclusions, but this is romanticizing her previous A, a present one, or one that she is hoping to have.
I just looked up the trailer for that movie, could hardly finish watching it.
(cuz of the theme, not cuz of Liam Neeson wink )

Originally Posted by Gerka
Yes. I feel that I'd be a lot further along my personal recovery if I had given up on this horrible person months ago.
I suppose this depends on how you view personal R.
Looking back on my own sitch, I think personal R had it's first baby step,
when I took control of what I could.
I couldn't control WH, but I could influence the direction of contact with OW.
-----> Exposure

I couldn't make my WH choose me, but I could influence his view of me as the preferred person to be with.
Plan A is not just for the WS to see, it is also for the BS to gain control of their own life. (mentally and physically)
-----> Carrot of Plan A

I couldn't stop his choices or engrain in his head what he was doing was wrong, on so many levels,
but I could stand firm to my values and make them known.
-----> Stick of Plan A

By doing all these things, I grew stronger, I became a better person.
This does not speed the healing process, that takes time,
but I do think that this was the beginning of personal R. IMO for me.

There will always be the 'what if I had of done this', this IS a common feeling Gerka.
You did the best that you could, under your circumstances, and you did it well. smile

Again, cuz it bears repeating over and over, you or your military sitch,
was not the cause of her choice to have an A.
There are many, many people who don't have A's, in your situation or hers.

M'd 22 years
D-Day 08/08 LTA