Originally Posted by MrsWondering
Originally Posted by MarriedForever
Originally Posted by NewEveryDay
Does it make a difference if it's labeled IB or AH? They're both LBs.

cwmi, if you think this, that's cool, but since you're here, I encourage you to reread the Q&As about annoying habits. The plan for those is to pick one the top 5 for the moment, work on that one alone, and add the others to the list to be tackled later. It's something like when just 3 or so are eliminated, the rest become no longer LBs, because you're back in romatic love. You'd think it's a cute quirk, not as gaining something at your expense. You have cute quirks, that don't annoy him or make withdrawals, right?

threadjack/ (because this isn't what this thread is about!)

FTR, and not that anyone asked, I do believe this is a POJA issue ~ POJA states "do not do ANYTHING without your spouse's "enthusiastic agreement"".

CWMI's H IS doing something without her enthusiastic agreement and it's draining her LB$. Maybe it seems petty or controlling to some people but that isn't the issue ~ for whatever reason it bothers her (could be a money issue, could be a health issue, who knows) ~ and it SHOULD be POJA'ed ~ EVERYTHING should in a M.

As to whether or not they are not "there yet" in using POJA I don't know ~ Dr. H repeatedly says to use POJA on small issues first, and this seems like a fairly small issue.

My $.02 worth.


Yes and no...If you'll note, on the private forum, Dr. Harley MANY, MANY times tells people NOT to negotiate [use POJA] YET...He advises them to spend UA time together FIRST - fill those lovebanks - and AVOID negotiations until the LB$ balance is higher...MB is NOT simply a conflict resolution program - It is a program designed to create and maintain romantic love - I understand that using POJA is a part of that, but POJA can't be effectively used if lovebanks are deep in the red...

Mrs. W

It's an interesting conundrum because personally I wouldn't want to spend UA time with DH if he is continually LBing me with an IB/AH/refusal to use POJA.

Not only would I not want to spend the time, but any UA time would be undone by these LBers. Everyone is different in how they respond to stimuli in the LB$s I suppose.

For me LB$ deposits were not made if POJA was not being used concurrently and I suspect CWMI is the same way.

Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile