Originally Posted by Mark1952
Originally Posted by MrsW
Many couples come to Dr. Harley with GIANT amounts of conflict, but I've never seen him try to tackle those things first

Because it is more important to avoid hurting each other than to find a resolution to a conflict. What we do to solve the problem is more important to the relationship than whether or not we actually find a solution.

If the Love Bank is a bucket ANY leak makes it difficult to fill the bucket and we must work harder to accomplish it. Big leaks need to be fixed pretty quickly but unless we continue filling the bucket in sufficient volume to stay ahead of the leaks, the bucket drains.

The fastest way to fill the bucket is by meeting the top Intimate Emotional Needs and this can only be done through UA time. If we can keep the level above what is required to prevent Withdrawal, and leave our spouse at least open to using his or her Giver as well as their Taker in negotiations, the conflicts themselves can be resolved...

Or not...

But either way, the bucket remains full enough to prevent it from going empty.

Mark

ETA; Back to work...See ya...


Thanks Mark [emphasis mine]


FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered

"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.