Bubbles, that is YOUR opinion. It has little to do with greed and more to do with an emotional response. FS is a VALID need, and we cannot disparage it. If we feel it is unimportant and we don't want to meet that need then we must ensure that we marry a person who doesn't value it. But we cannot minimize the emotional response because we find it irrational or wrong.

ALL emotional needs are irrational. Some are just more accepted than others.

I can't help it. I have a high need for DS. Sometimes I feel guilty about the stuff my husband does to fill that need, but I cannot deny that I feel an overwhelming sense of love when he cleans the dishes. I smile and feel a sense of love and peace when my need is met. I feel my Love Bank surge past the Romantic Love threshold.

It is an emotional reaction.

If someone else feels the same feeling when they are Financially Supported, who are we to judge them? That is what they need to feel loved. It isn't greed but fulfills something deeper.

Like many needs it can become abusive. But to just say THIS is the lifestyle I would like and would make me feel loved is a simple statement of fact.

Would Hold's life be better if his wife's need for FS didn't require a lifestyle he cannot provide? Of course. I would say her need tipped over into abusive behavior when she ran up ridiculous amounts of debt. But simply having a need and wanting it met is not cruel or insane.

Your threshold for what you expect for FS is YOUR threshold. Lets not disparage those with a different threshold. What you may consider a WANT someone else may legitimately consider a NEED. It is not for YOU to determine what is too much, but for the spouses within the marriage to determine what is too much.

Hold has decided that his wife's ideal way to get FS is something he cannot or will not achieve, thus he's made peace with the fact that he will not have a romantic passionate marriage as he cannot fill her love bank.

Right or wrong, her needs exist and are valid. It seems that the need might be shifting. That would be good because then Hold might have a chance of filling it if he so desires.

Me & DH: 28
Married 8/20/05
1DD, 9 mo.
Just Lookin' and Learnin'