Originally Posted by CWMI
I'm sorry, too, kt, for dismissing you so broadly. I'm a bit touchy to any suggestion that I am at fault here. I feel like I have done everything I need to, above and beyond what I needed to do, and having all this falling around me is blowing a few connections in my brain...I simply cannot fathom it.

CWMI you just sound tapped out. You sound exhausted. I don't think this situation is your fault, at all! However, there is always room for us to improve. That was the direction my earlier post to you was trying to go.

You still have to work to be a good wife. However after a point it is just too much. It's hard to go into Giver mode when our Taker is screaming to protect us.

I was listening to past radio show segments yesterday and Dr. Harley was discussing Plan A/ Plan B in NON-affair situations. I think this may be appropriate for you if you don't think you can muster up a Giver anymore. I KNOW you don't want to go Plan B, but your continued presence in this marriage only teaches your husband that he can continue to disregard you without consequence - well you get peeved at him but he can deal with that.

He told everyone else the same thing he told me: this job had NO TRAVEL and no events that I was not invited to attend. He's acting like he has no idea where I came up with that! Which is the bigger DJ: thinking that he is intentionally gaslighting me in order to keep me off-balance and drive me insane, or that he is truly that self-deluded to believe that he never said it to me or the several people I've spoken to whom he also said the same thing?

Ideally it isn't a choice between the lesser of two DJs, but NO DJs. You can't say for sure why he is doing what he is doing all you can say is he told you one thing in the past, it has turned out to be a lie and that hurts you and you don't like it.

CWMI I know you and your husband have counseled with the Harleys before. Would you consider one session JUST FOR YOU where you lay out where you are right now and see if you can get some direction on where you should go from here?

You seem at wit's end. Perhaps Steve (you counseled with Steve right?) can help guide and focus you towards your goal. Especially as he has had the benefit of actually talking with your husband.

Me & DH: 28
Married 8/20/05
1DD, 9 mo.
Just Lookin' and Learnin'