No. I dont equate love with sex. I absolutely loved my ex (until he became a threat to me and our son). I just wasnt sexually attracted to him, and didnt realize how horribly that would affect him because (trying to be a good Christian wife) I offered myself to him (almost) every night (one thing Im glad I dont have to do anymore!). I just didnt get anything out of it for myself, but I knew it was something he liked. And I just didnt realize there is another dimension to the intimate relationship between a husband and wife.

An interesting turn in all this is that after reading the asexual website for awhile, I began to feel like many of the folks on the site were dealing with after-effects of serious childhood issues- abuse, molestation, etc. So I went back to counseling.

My counselor celebrated my progress: I had started back seeing the guy who gave me my first kiss in 15 years (see below excerpt for what happened). I really enjoyed his company. Even though hed always been a player, he was charming and respectful of my boundaries. We casually saw each other once a week for a few months.

On our last date, I felt so much sexual desire for him I almost couldnt contain it! We didnt do much, but I couldnt even concentrate at work for the next few days. I had never experienced anything like that in my life! I had a short notice military move out of state so I havent seen him for a couple months, though he does call/text/facebook me once a week.

No one here in my new home elicits that kind of reaction from me, but because of this experience I am confident that a respectful relationship built over time can generate those feelings. I guess I will just have to take things slow and find the right man.

Originally Posted By: DaisyTheCat2


Well, I took a business trip and ran into an old acquaintance (who happened to be one of those 7 guys).
....
He held me, and kissed me (first time I'd been kissed on the lips in 15 years), and he wanted more. But even though I'd felt attraction to him, and really enjoyed being held, there was no desire to "go there."

I've never felt more crazy in my life. Or disappointed. How can I have feelings for someone, and not want what the feelings are supposed to stand for? ... But I didn't want sex. All I wanted was to be held.

And I was not expecting that. Here is this gorgeous, fun, financially independent guy. Every bone in my body should have been fighting to resist him. But it wasn't.
...
I know I'm probably crazy and seriously need counseling.


"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer