Originally Posted by CWMI
He gets so angry at others when he has done something wrong. Mostly, he gets hateful toward me if he's done something to betray trust.

One can learn not to do this. I used to do this when I was in college. It took a long time of my classmates complaining (military school- they couldn't just ignore me) before I could actually see I was exploding in anger at people around me for things they didn't do. Or over-reacting to the little things they DID do.

Part of my "recovery" was taking responsibility for my own anger (someone can be stupid, but that doesn't mean I have to be angry about it). For example, guy cuts me off in the road. I can react or not react- it's my choice.

Another part of recovery was taking steps to resolve the things in my life that weren't right, whether they were my fault or not. For example, it's not my fault my dad was abusive and sent to jail for a few years. But until I dealt with that anger and grief that anger was spilling into other areas of my life. I was like the ocean after a storm- calm on top, but still a lot of angry energy under the calm waves so it didn't take much extra energy to stir me back up. Dealing with the event helped calmed the seas so I wouldn't over react.

I'm not giving these examples to threadjack, but to explain what I mean.

Hopefully your husband can 1) realize he needs to and then 2) actually get to the source of what's really bothering him about himself. I wonder if that will make him more willing to meet your needs.

Unfortunately, I don't think either one of those is a process you can speed up for him.

"If you will stop feeding your feelings, then they will stop controlling you" -Joyce Meyer