Wow, this is right on for me. I think it is normal to be on the defensive when attacked.

My problem is that my husband denies things even as they are happening making me sound like a nag.

Last week he recieved a phone call from a friend of mine. He didn't tell me about it for 2 days. I informed him of my frustration nicely and he apologized. The next day, I called home several times expecting an important phone call about test results on our dog. When I expressed frustration on not having heard from the vet, he "remembered" that they had called before he left for work. Now I was very exasperated (needing to pick up meds after having been that way) I said, can you just let calls go to voicemail? in a not so nice voice.

He was hurt and angry and stated that it was only one mistake and I shouldn't be so reminded him of the other recent mistake. Please note that it is a standing joke with my close friends and family so that they always call back when he has taken a message but I didn't go into that...just the recent occurence.

What should I have done?

I empathsize with CWIM. Sure her husband probably hasn't bought that many cars but maybe he makes frequent big purchases without asking. If she states the obvious and he looks at her like she is crazy then of course she will want to give examples.

Having said that, I am now making a concerted effort to NOT bring up his shortcomings when I am know like

"How could you forget the milk?" "Yeah well, last week you forgot toliet paper."

It isn't like this with my girlfriends. I have one who is always late, she knows she is always late and we make adjustments for that. My DH denies and is insulted when I suggest we make adjustments.