Since there's nothing you can actively do right now, why not ignore her references to divorce? Send her letters with pictures of you and the kids doing fun things together. Write about memories of fun things you did together in the past and things you want to do in the future. Emphasize "family" in all the letters, and mention positive things you are doing, such as counseling. Apologize for arguing all the time and tell her how you've discovered new ways to work things out without fighting. Tell her how excited you are to see her again in January. Send her her favorite candy or book or whatever while she's in Iraq. Just keep it positive and upbeat. Don't beg, don't discuss divorce, just ignore those items and focus on being the best parent and husband you can be. It's quite possible that if she is having an affair it will have fizzled by the time she gets back, or may not look as fun stateside. And if she isn't, she should really be looking forward to seeing her family again in January.

3rd marriage to an awesome wonderful man since 2008.

3 children from first marriage, ages 16, 18, 20