My story is a little different to most. For a start this whole thing has happened within the space of a matter of weeks. My wife confessed to me only this Sunday (11/21).
My wife and I have been married for 9.5 years and have 5 beautiful children (4 of our own plus my wife's nephew who we have raised since birth). Our marriage has always been a source of pride for both of us. The sex has been great, and we were both very much in love.
It had been a plan for a while for us to migrate to my wife's home country (in South America) to build a business and live life in the sun together. The plan was for my wife to go first with the kids and then I would follow several months later after resolving loose ends at work and with our home.
We have only been apart since 10/15 and spoke every day either by phone or on Skype. We even had webcam sex on several occasions.
Nothing could have forewarned me about the following events. Basically my wife called me on Sunday (11/21) as normal and we spoke. But I could sense there was something up. She confessed to me that she had become friendly with a man over there. SHe told me that he reminded her of me. She thought they could be friends and even invited him round to the house to chat and to play with our kids. She told me she was lonely and vulnerable without me and just wanted some company around the place. However it was obvious the guy was after more than just friendship. She had plenty of warning signs but didn't pay them any attention.
To cut a short story even shorter she invited him round to the house on Saturday evening (11/20), to talk and put him straight. She says she doesn't really know what happened next as it all happened so fast, but basically she found herself on the floor with him on top of her. Just as he had penetrated her she heard a voice in her head asking if this was really what she was throwing her marriage away for her. She immediately got up and told him to leave, which he did.
This is her version of events. She told me this on Sunday, so less than 24 hours after it happened. She told me she wants no more contact with him, and, even though he has called several times she will not answer her phone.
According to my wife, this was never her intention. She wouldn't dream of hurting me and the last thing she would want is to risk our marriage.
But can I believe her? Although things happened fast on the actual night, she had been friends with him for several weeks before and had admitted that she felt a connection to him. This has completely turned my world upside down. I would never have even dreamed that my wife could betray me like this. There were no tell-tale signs, nothing that would warn me that this might happen. She tells me she is in shock herself. She can't believe what she has done and claims she is full of remorse over her actions. She says that her emotions were all over the place (just finished her period) and she was just looking for someone to hug/connect with.
I don't want our marriage to fall apart over one mistake but can I trust her again? I don't want our kids just to become the next victims of a broken home. My confidence is completely shattered right now. I can't concentrate at work and burst into tears when at home. I want to believe her but the trust is gone.
The worst thing of all is that she is still on the other side of the world from me right now. I am considering speeding up my move to join her and the kids before the new year; how can I trust her when I am so far away? But is this a wise move so soon? It is less than a week since all these events took place.
Right now it doesn't seem like the pain will ever go away, but I know I want to make our marriage work. I've put too much of my energy and love into this relationship for it to be over just like that.