Originally Posted by dutchcourage
Thanks for the encouragement.

Maybe I am still in shock, or just being naive, but I really do believe her when she tells me she didn't want this to happen. She says that she missed my presence and affection and attention, and was caught out at a vulnerable time. She felt hopeless because there was no definite timeframe of us being reunited.

I am sure she didn't want it to happen. She was probably flirting with him and he pushed her to have sex with him. But she set the stage and allowed another man to meet her needs. He has been courting her and they have been having an emotional affair. It advanced to a physical affair and she is just a little scared.

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I'm not making excuses for her, as it remains a deep betrayal of our marriage vows, but I do believe she is sincere and wants this to work.

I believe her too. But her sincerity is not enough to stop the affair. It was not enough to stop her from having an emotional affair. The affair has now taken a big step in a new direction and will probably go further now unless it is stopped. She is scared that is jumped this fast, but once she gets over the shock, she will miss the affection and companionship he has been offering her. I expect her to invite him back once the shock has worn off and the loneliness sets back in.

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I have to finish off at my work, but I am booked to fly over there on 12/23. Is this too late?

It probably will be too late. The affair has advanced to a new level and it will likely continue until you are there to stop it. OR if she comes back to be with you.

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Am I being too understanding and forgiving too soon?

Yes. There is nothing TO forgive at this point. Forgiveness should be earned. That is in both your best interests.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101