Originally Posted by SmilingWoman
From this side of the computer screen it feels more like your dh gets his affirmation from work and co-workers. That kind of external affirmation is more important to him than your happiness or approval.

Maybe. Or maybe work approval is more predictable. And less subject to being withdrawn over a single word or deed. Not sure that Mr. CWMI prefers Admiration received at work to Admiration received at home. More likely he feels more confident that if he expends energy at work, he will receive Admiration. Whereas he fears that efforts expended at home will be "wasted" since CWMI won't provide Admiration no matter what he does.

Not saying this is true. Not saying CWMI is unwilling or unable to provide copious amounts of Admiration. But I have gotten the impression that CWMI has very high standards. Not necessarily unreachable ones. But I can understand if Mr. CWMI fears he won't be able to reach them. Whereas he feels that the standards at work are far more attainable.

I understand that the ethos of MB is that a happy is marriage is worth whatever effort it requires. And those people who have attained one all seem to say it is, so I will take their word for it. But for those of us who have never experienced it. And who fear we never will. When asked the question "are you willing to do whatever it takes to create a marriage in which your spouse feels romantic love for you most of the time"? The answer may well be "no". If I were someone dead set on having a fulfilling marriage, I wouldn't want to be married to one of us, either.

Not assigning blame on either side. Simple unhappy fact. In order to feel fulfilled, one spouse may require their partner to put forth an effort that the other spouse simply is not willing to expend on a persistent basis. It is like being married to a Renter. When the rent gets too high, they bail. Very sad when the couple does not realize this until years or decades later.

When you can see it coming, duck!