Smiling Woman,

Three years ago, I would have agreed with you. That thought seems utterly ridiculous. The problem was the thought of living in a marriage where you are not put first (or second or third or tenth)is draining.

It seems to me, she has several options

1. Request and receive the best counseling available (check)

2. Continue to live in a relationship that she finds disrespectful and dissatisfying (check)

3. Seperate or divorce

Right now she is as number 2. I was there. My DH's "other woman" was his work and all the "fun" activities that were related to his work. I did complain but I felt could I even consider leaving because he (gasp) works too hard.

So, I didn't consider it. I was good with boundaries around coworkers and old friends....until I wasn't.

I am in no way suggesting that my affair was justified...quite the contrary. I am saying that CWMI often gets berated here for stating what she will not tolerate. She is told that leaving or making him leave is ridiculous. SHE IS DOING IT RIGHT where I was doing it all wrong.

I went into withdrawl...from there an affair wasn't really that much of a stretch...we already had seperate activites/vacations/interests. I felt like as long as I was there to meet his domestic needs/have sex/ and provide well behaved children to smile on our Christmas card, I was good. I actually continued to provide all of that during my affair.

Turns out of course I couldn't have been more wrong. I should have made my needs clear and defended my boundaries like CWMI is doing. Maybe she isn't as subtle and kind as she could be but she has been doing this awhile

AND she is in conflict which means she hasn't withdrawn