Focusing on two special needs kids and dealing with the reprocussions is something I can definitely relate to. You neglected your marriage, probably. But neglecting yourself was probably the biggest mistake. And if you're doing it, it still is. You seem to have the motivation to change, and that's good. Now you need the plan. I mean both long term (education, mental health, etc.) and day to day (a jog, haircut, reorganizing a closet, coffee with friends). You gave me some very good advice for a newbie. Let me give some back. 1st, consult with a lawyer and tell him/her your focus in the settlement will be to have the means to get back on your feet while providing for your kids. 2nd, get regular childcare arrangements for after school and evening hours. Don't look into just one option but have multiple sources: local respite care providers, paid sitters, family and friends should ALL be used. You can't provide for your kids, or even a mate (new or H) without first providing for yourself.

Best of luck. Off to take my own advice now...