Hold, man, I can so relate! D14 goes to school with kids who have the best phones, DJs at their parties, and go to $75 concerts. Their hangout has the most expensive movie theater in town, $7.50 for kids, $9.50 for 3D. Do I want to try to keep up with that? But she doesn't want to stand out. I want to throw her a party for her birthday, because she's been down, but she doesn't want one here, because we don't have a pool. Huh? It'll be February, what do you need a pool for? But I guess she's embarrassed she's the only one who doesn't?

Do you see that it's the expectations that are the issue, not your, D13's, and Mrs. H's confusion with them? About the "feeling guilty," how about just deciding not to "go there"? You guys can work this out together. You're not trapped. Nothing is set in stone. They were brainstorming solutions, and calling you in. There are no bad guys here.