Well, there is an author out there who has written articles about how people can learn to relate to one another without one having to be "right" and the other "wrong".

Since I can't write his name, I'm sorry to say that I will have to leave you guessing, lol!

In any case, I do think that one of the ways you and your husband could improve things is to try to understand how the other experiences a situation, vs. seeing it always in black and white. Right and wrong.

It doesn't change what you need from him, but it can both help you have compassion as you work through HOW you each get what you need. (In MB terms, it helps you to see some very important and sneaky DJ's that you may be overlooking)

At this point, what would you think about re-viewing the Myer's Briggs personality assessment as it relates to both of you and how you interact with each other?

I think it just might be easier to come at POJA, and PORH, and ALL the wonderful MB principles if you are doing so without judging each other in the process. Sometimes people actions are more complex and complicated than they seem... And it can help you to stop judging each other OR yourselves, because you can better understand why the other person is doing what they are doing (you and your H both seem to do this to each other, to me).

Also, if admiration is important to your H (have you determined whether or not that is the case? I forget what you reported to be his top EN's beyond DS, which may be more of an LB when not met than an actual EN when met), then how are you doing at admiring him for putting his foot down regarding travel?

I am finding opportunities to admire my H about all sorts of things, and I see it making him so happy, open and content. But that is truly one of his EN's, and I don't know if it is for your H--or if he is even letting you meet his EN's.

FWIW, I am now meeting all of my H's EN's (since I lost a lot of weight) and I see how much MY failure to do so in the past made it hard for him to move towards me in the way that I needed.

We still have bad days (had one last week, actually), and I still tend to blow those out of proportion in my own mind (thanks to my family of origin patterns that I learned), but when I am not overreacting, I can't help but be happy.

Last night, we went out on a date night, and were both weeping by the end because of our gratitude for one another and all we have been through. It was a love fest!

I want that for you (well, not the bad day part!)

Me 42
H 46
Married 12 years
Two children D9 and D4 !