My husband has STOPPED being deceptive with me (unintentional or not). He has STOPPED.

I am convinced that one of the reasons he stopped was because I approached him in a way that was about us each of us understanding where the other was coming from.

I don't think my H is any more or less interested in my marriage than your H is interested in yours.

I also do not think he is inherently more honest (not at ALL!!!).

He lied for some of the same reasons your H does... It wasn't important enough to have a "whole big discussion". He was trying to anticipate what might upset me. Frankly, it was just easier to lie.

I remember one day, he decided to go work at a coffee shop rather than his office, but he baldfaced lied to me when asked, and didn't tell me that he was going there until he was already there.

Well, I knew that was where he was going by the way he dressed. I was also able to figure out his other activities that day (shopping, etc).

Eventually he came clean, but it was painful for both of us.

THat kind of stuff used to happen to us ALL THE TIME. It was almost always over stupid stuff, and it drove me crazy.

It doesn't happen anymore.

I don't think it was my fault that he lied AT ALL. It was his choice, his decision, and his problem. I think he had been choosing the easy road for years, with all sorts of people.

Only then it became my problem... Or, more accurately, OUR problem.

So I worked WITH him to understand him better, and have him understand me better, so WE could conquer OUR problem.

I did whatever I could to help him change this pattern in his life (our life) until now I can report the problem is gone.


At least with me. Sometimes I still hear him stretch things with other people, when I think the truth is just as easy.

Not my problem. I only care that he is completely, utterly, and totally honest with ME.

Me 42
H 46
Married 12 years
Two children D9 and D4 !