I'm afraid you are correct. The other day it occurred to me she wants things to remain the same because she is being the Taker most of the time. It feels good in an instinctive way to be the Taker despite causing pain to someone else and not feeling a loving relationship.
As far as agreeing to easily, I'm not so sure about that. I asked her this morning if she'd be open to reading some more of LoveBusters and she said, yes I will tonight. On top of that the book had about 4-5 pages "dog eared" which is a good thing. Why would she do that unless she saw some things that really got her attention? I'm still optimistic and last night was good. I made sure to listen to her more and didn't take offense when she asked for some things. It is a fine line to figure out what a selfish demand is and if it truly is my wife gaining at my expense. If it something really little like a, "Oh the baby woke up early so I couldn't make a lunch for Tay" type of a thing. Does that really harm me? I usually make it anyways and it doesn't even bother me.

The biggest concern I have is the blame game. This is something that Dr Harley doesn't address directly from what I can tell. My six year old and four year old have started doing this as well and I called them both on it today. The blame game can be from big things to little things. The biggest one was her not taking responsibility for our relationship, it was my fault in her eyes. When I put my foot down, she accepted it just fine. I stayed home to work out of the house last week and observed her most of the day. She kept saying normally she doesn't watch this much TV, but I certainly doubt that. It is odd because by no means is she lazy, but she sure blames being busy an awful lot for any number of things not getting done. Then if she feels really bad then she'll blame me for not helping. I know you hate when I bring up her parents, but I must say, her mother blames her father incessantly to the point where it is hard to watch. I guess this means that her instincts tell her it is ok to do this for anything you want. I grew up quite literally on the other end of the spectrum so I see each of one these and it bothers me very much even if it doesn't harm me. I'm working on biting my tongue more when she does this blame thing but it is so difficult particularly when it involves her blaming myself or any one of our three children for no reason.
I'm getting better at this. I've learned that I need to rise above her game whenever possible, and yes she knows how to push my buttons. Can you help me come up with something other to say to diffuse her instinctive enjoyment from manufacturing a fight? I don't want to just walk away each time as that would seem that she kind of wins anyways. I also don't want to fight back as that is what she wants. Its like a chess game except what she doesn't know is that I have all of you great people helping me make my moves! smile

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD