Great Job Hilltopper. Its great shes dog earing some pages. THAT is good progress. Compliment her about something .. then tell her that you noticed she had read some of the book and that you appreciated it. THen ask her if there is anything she wants to discuss from what she has read already. If not do not worry about it.. then mention again that you appreciate her taking the time to read it again and that you plan on giving her the space and time so she can continue reading it. Be the best hubby ever!

Did you ask if she is interested in reading the books out loud together in bed? That is great bonding time. make some nice herbal tea .. put on the bedside lamp and fluff up your pillows and cuddle and read. Let her know that you have no sexual intentions with it and that you just wana spend time reading together so you are both on the same page! yes even in the literal sense lol.

Even tho you got a bit testy from her initial disrespect, you are learning as well and your BOTH going to make mistakes along the way. So dont beat your self up too hard or take it too hard when either one slips up. This is where your taker TRIES to help you run out of patience with each other. Since you are the one that is here .. you will need to use extra grace for her as you both learn to validate each others feelings safely without creating tension and successfully negotiate around that.

Have you read all the basic concepts? In particular "instincts and habits?" Have you read any of the articles? In particular "Caring for Children Means Caring for Each Other" If not .. take some time to review them and reflect on them. Maybe print out the 2nd one i mentioned and present it to your wife and fold it up and clip it to the back of the book as an "additional resource" with a paper clip. Do you have the book "His needs Her needs for Parents" ?? If not .. I would suggest getting that one as well .. as it goes hand in hand with "Love Busters" and provides many scenerios that will resonate with you and your wife as you take time to read them. It includes how to handle the kids and incorporate them into the marriage without sacrificing your Intimate time ... or at the very least gives you a sense of direction on how to achieve more time as a couple and what that entails.

You mention your wife and compare her to her parents .. and you mention that you see some of the same traits in your kids and have called them out on it. Good job! Those will be habits that you will have to help them all break. Your wife is a product of her parents which leads me to.. children are products of their environment! so they are a direct reflection of you both. Once both you and your wife are back on the same page again, and you two stand together as a unified front ("his needs her needs for parents" tells how to do this well) the children will see the change and even tho they may be reluctant at first to the changes in you two regarding parenting, you will see a change in them as well and their behaviour patterns. Both my children would be just as tense as my wife and I when we were in a state of conflict or withdrawl .. and once we finally got back into intimacy again, our children, after spending many minutes in time out for the first few weeks for behaviour we didnt like INCLUDING my 13 year old) they changed their ways as well because my wife and I became consistant with what we expected of them and did not make any decisions regarding them until we both had a chance to put the POJA into action. So as you rebuild your intimacy with your wife with MB you will be able to call your kids on any of their behaviours that may reflect your old ways.

Keep up the good work Hilltopper. Your doing fine. Just remember. Find out what her needs are ... become an expert at meeting them effortlessly (only the top 5, do not waste your efforts on the lowest 5). BE the example and she will follow. Correct as we have stated earlier and dont let your taker get in the way right now. Everything will fall into place and before ya know it you guys will be so in love again you will wonder how you had ever fallen out of love. Could be even better than when you first met since marriages dont come with instruction manuals. Just like kids dont either .. but Dr. Harley's marital research has been a GOLDMINE of wisdom to follow. I still can not thank him enough .. so I try to help others with his material more often. NOt so much here on the forums ... but in others around me as they see my wife and I transform from the biggest drama in the family to the ones everyone is coming to for support now (which i must admit i have to turn them down alot now to try and keep my 15hours a week for my wife)

OK .. sorry for typing so much .. im losing my train of thought now >.< and have to get some work done lol ...