Thank you both, I have His Needs Her Needs on my nightstand, read about a chapter or so. I'll go get it right now. The intention of the jar is how you mentioned it at the end. We fill up our jars when someone fills or takes away. She is in charge of hers, I'm in charge of mine. Because feedback is such a problem this will give us the ability, particularly me, to know what she like or didn't like. It will also allow me to know when I've taken away when I probably to this day don't even know that I do! I find myself feeling sick to my stomach right now. She is sick, I brought her some chicken soup, bought four jars for our experiment on the way home. Why do I feel stupid that I'm so obviously giving her what she asked for? Did anyone else feel this way at first? I don't yet at this time feel confident that it will change to be honest. I will give her the benefit of the doubt that she does want to get love back in her marriage. She's admittedly been in taker mode for so friggin long, it is gonna take a bit to break out of it. This is so exhausting. After our big talk today she was obviously stressed and told me she was going out with her friend for the night. She never does this so its not a big deal other than the fact that her first instinct had nothing to do with my emotions or state of mind. She went straight to what will bring her spirits up you know? I told her that I had hoped we would spend time together tonight. She still isn't feeling well so that just might happen. All in all I guess there is progress but I'm still terrified her effort just won't be there. What do I do then? Don't answer that I'm sure you'll tell if we need to cross that bridge.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD