Originally Posted by CWMI
Absolutely tell her that you do not intend to live in a sexless marriage! BUT, also tell her that you're willing to stop the LBs that have eroded her love for you and meet her ENs in a way that makes her feel loved and valued. Otherwise it sounds like a threat.

To get her to talk to Steve (I assume you know who he is now?), try this: "My goal is to have a marriage where we both are madly in love with each other. I've read a lot about this Marriage Builders program and I think it is right for us because I think it works. I understand that you may be a little skeptical and I respect that. However, I am asking that you join me for a conversation with Steve Harley before you make a final decision about whether this is for us or not. Just a chat on the phone, how about it?"

My H initially said no, no more counseling...I said it wasn't counseling, it was coaching...he said no...I said well I have an appointment with him on [date and time I knew my H would be available], I don't know what to do here and *I* need a coach, but I do wish you would join me so he can get both sides. Oh yeah, he was there to give his side, bwa-ha-ha. H was READY for SH to straighten me out. smile

Yep considering very much the chat with Steve. For now I'm trying to avoid LB's at all costs, even more so than the EN's. Fights equal 48 hours of starting over at ground zero every time. I can't afford that so for now I'm trying to make it pleasant enough to where I can work on the next step. Because the LB's from her are typically so frequent that we literally don't speak unless she's insulting me, I'm letting her know politely about each one about every other LB. This may not be the right way, but for now I need some momentum and if I call her on each LB, then it will inevitably lead to so much irritation that we'll never get anywhere.

I did call to plan a date night with babysitters and everything today. It was a weeknight date which she's never had a problem with, but she shut it down and pushed it off to a weekend. Instead of getting upset and looking at it as yet another push off, I took a deep breath and said, sure! A date on Friday is more important than nothing, in fact it is great despite her intentions.
Today was pretty pleasant all day. I'm just letting off the gas and giving her some space and letting things happen a bit more. I definitely think some of my own stress has creeped in her a bit. I have no life. I have friends, but none that I do anything with anymore. If we hang out it is always when our families and kids all get together. On the flip side my wife has a dozen friends she does stuff with. this is my mistake and I'm gonna make sure I call up some buddies and get some outlets as well. The only buddy I really can talk to about this now is getting a divorce so I don't think he's the best for advice at this point! smile Thanks for everything I'm learning a lot and am in a good place tonight, I plan on it lasting but don't hesitate to slap me around if need be, ok?

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD