Ok, I want to additionally back ML here;

It may be a good idea for you two to step back from the forums for a bit.

Let's not post conflicts any further.

This post is going on both of your threads.

Shopping list;

1 - 3 Ring Binder
1 - 3 Hole punch
2 - Highlighters

Make sure your printer has ink and paper.

Print the suggested articles, and read them separately, highlighter in hand. As you read through, highlight the portions you feel relevant to your marriage, and make marginal rotations.

After each of you have read the article and made your marks and notations, go over them together.

Then file the completed articles in your binder.

Your binder should also include;

The Policy of Undivided Attention Read it as the other articles, and sign off on it.

The Policy of Radical Honesty Again, read it, highlight and notate, each sign off. Include the sections on Emotional Honesty, Historical Honesty, Current Honesty, and Future Honesty.

The Policy of Joint Agreement(PoJA). Same as the other two policies.

Work no more than 1-2 articles, concepts, or policies per day, and follow it with pleasant UA time.

You might also include the article for each Emotional Need and each Love Buster.

You can do your emotional need and love buster questionnaires, and file them in your "marriage binder" as well.

Set an increment of time after which you will review or redo the questionnaires.

For instance, do them today, then again in one month, then three months after that.

As you eliminate Love Busters and meet each others Emotional Needs, you will see the answers on them evolve, and the order of importance of those needs may shift.

In the case of my FWW and I, when we first completed them in August 2010, SF was #3. It is no longer even in my top 5. Do note, however, that SF is one of the 4 intimate emotional needs to be met during UA time - which also includes Affection, Conversation, and Recreational Companionship.

Your posts from that point should begin to address how to integrate the concepts, and how to use those concepts to address conflicts.

Time to get to work!

"An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Smart people believe weird things because they are skilled at defending beliefs they arrived at for non-smart reasons." - Michael Shermer

"Fair speech may hide a foul heart." - Samwise Gamgee LOTR