Originally Posted by markos
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
By the way she did say, "If we don't stay up late for a week and drink wine, then we can hang out comment." I pointed out this was an SD, she didn't like my having done so. To her credit later she said, "How can I respectful ask you not to stay up super late with me?"

What did you find disrespectful or demanding about the way she asked? It sounded quite respectful to me, like a request, not a demand.

We've been having fun together so the staying up late seemed natural to me, like if it ain't broke don't fix it.

Okay, your perspective here sounds pretty valid to me, but are you saying that her perspective should not have even been expressed? That she was wrong to suggest change?

Remember to use the policy of joint agreement as your guide. If one of you becomes unenthusiastic about something you are doing, even if it's something you've negotiated before, you immediately STOP DOING IT! and begin negotiating something else. Be creative and brainstorm and look for something that will make you both happy.

It was a SD. She said if we don't stay up late for a week and drink wine, then she'll meet my needs, affection, SF, etc. She said that I have to behave a certain way and if I did she would then meet some of my EN's, that in my book is a textbook SD. The tone also was in line with the SD. After I told her that sounded like an SD, she then said, "how can I respectfully request that we not stay up so late." That part was great. Best part of the entire conversation this morning, in fact.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD