Originally Posted by Penni4Thoughts
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
I have a problem of not just accepting what people do. I always want to know why and what for. Its like, "you kissed me, but why?" type of stuff. I always want to know why. I do the same thing with my partner at work. If he has an issue why I did something I want to know why he has an issue.


Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
I hear you loud and clear. I can't explain the "why" I do this, I just know that I do it. I'm compelled to do it, it is wrong, but I continue to do so.


Do you see the irony here?

Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
but my actions and inability to control my emotions are hurting the healing process


You can feel emotion, and do the right thing anyway. You can be nervous and still deliver a speech or get a shot at the doctor. Emotions are not forcing your mouth to move and air to come through your vocal cords. You probably respond more favorably in front of strangers even when you are experiencing negative emotions than you do in front of your wife, right? It means you are capable of doing it, and can do it front of her, too.

You may consider getting a book about controlling emotions called, "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life." It is based on the same underlying principles that Dr. H's stuff is based on, but it isn't about marriage, it is about not being paralyzed by emotion.

Good way to put it! My poor wife dealing with me and my emotions, what a drag for her. Its not just emotions however it is obsessing about the intentions of everybody's actions rather than just taking someone's action or inaction for what it is. If my wife is grumpy because the kids and baby were pills all day, then she's just grumpy, no need to read into and and wonder if she's mad at me. Baby was screaming this morning, we think she is teething, so I'm gonna make every effort to create a killer environment when I get home for her.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD