Originally Posted By: MrNiceGuy
Originally Posted By: Hilltopper1972
Wife sent me a text that said she didn't desire to speak with me today but that it wasn't silent treatment. I replied that I'm sorry she feels that way, guess that's all u can do. Already apologized for waking her up last night, guess she needs more time.


Exactly ... just validate her feelings and give her time to gather her self and recompose. Do NOt engage in any unpleasant conversation .. and do not instigate any unpleasant conversation. Keep things REAL simple and give her some time and space to calm down. Your outburst last night/this morning was a HUGE love bank withdrawl and will take a while to recover from. She will be hesitant to talk in fear of your emotional outburst.

I understand both sides to your scenerio. MY wife and I had a similar stand off. WHen I was at my wits end, we had began a slippery slope of emotional outbursts just before my wife dived in MB with me. My wife had told me she didnt love me anymore ... and wanted me to die and go away. She told me this many times over the course of a few weeks. Well .. that fueled my insecurity to the point where i was going to fulfill that request and kill myself.

During a VERY heated and emotional outburst and after about an hour of fighting I had descided it was time ... I got my rifle out of my gun cabinet ... and told my wife I was going to fulfill her request and kill my self. I reached for my bullets in the box on top of my cabinet in a rage of tears ( i couldnt even see properly my eyes were so red and swollen from crying and fighting and yelling ... i couldnt find the bullet and god slapped me and told me .. basicly WTF are you doing? I had promised I would never hurt my family and here Iwas .. about to hurt myself which WOULD hurt my family. I dropped my gun on the floor ... and went outside. My wife called my dad .. an he came the next day and took my guns from me. Told ME He wouldnt give them back until i was emotionally stable. THATS when I descided i needed counselling and my wife agreed and she came with me.

6 months later I got my guns back but that was after the MC and after we had read the HNHN book and some of the other book I had bought that my wife scoffed at many times when i was previously trying to convince her to join me with MB. When she finally did .. it all came to light. IT wasnt overnight tho that we "fixed" our relationship but it sure had a HUGE impact right away.

So .. I know the pain you are in ... I know the feeling of insecurity and uncertanty. I know the turmoil. I know the "craziness" your feeling.

Just breath ... and slow down. Dont think about tomorrow ... just work on today to be the best SELF you can be. Nothing is worth the stress that your causing to yourself by over reading into things. your wife is NOT .. I repeat NOT in an affair .. she is hurt from your emotional outbursts stemmed from your insecurity. Once you start doing things for YOU and being the man that you are and being more respectful to yourself and those around you ... your wife will respond alot better. Right now she needs to see you be a bit more stable on your own before she will be able to feel safe and secure to meet your needs.

MNG


OMG! I'm soooo sorry it came to that point and I'm soooo glad you are here now. Stability would be key for me. I don't like being insecure, it totally sucks and I don't intend on remaining insecure forever.


Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD