The reason we are not progressing is because he doesn't care if those things bother me.
CWMI, I�m really feeling your frustration over all of this. I was reading your thread religiously back when I was really struggling through the end of my marriage, but I will admit I�ve missed a few weeks so correct me if my observations are off�
It sounds like everyone one really wants to help you, and I hope you see that I want to help too. I just remember when I first came here I didn�t realize how often I DJ my ex. And here�s the kicker: since I was reared to be the �submissive wife.� I rarely *voiced* any of my DJs toward my husband but the disrespect I felt for him was evident in the way I carried myself, the tone of my voice when I talked to him, things like that. I never meant
to be that way, it was how I was
. And I couldn�t see it, but others could. So I mean it with the utmost care and respect for you when I say, I honestly think toning down the DJs is a good starting point for you. It might not change your husband the way everyone says it will, but it may help reduce your
personal level of anger, stress, and frustration.
That radio snippet Markos posted
talks about how some people are born to be thoughtless and finding a motivation (that means something to them
) that is strong enough to help them overcome this tendency.
It seems like you have observed that he will not change. At the same time, leaving your husband is unacceptable for you because a) you think it gives him freedom from the responsibility he took on when he married you and had 4 kids, and b) you are concerned that you won�t be able to as effectively manage/provide for the kids if you divorce, and c) you are pretty sure you�d effectively become a single mom because his past behavior indicates he wouldn�t be very involved if you and the kids moved out. Life stinks but divorce would make it stink worse.
So it sounds like you are stuck. And you don�t know how to make things better. Because he isn�t going to change. And you feel justifiably angry and frustrated that you�re in this place.
Let�s just say he does
have NPD. Then what? I know you didn�t actually SAY he didn�t care, you said �He said no, like a true narcissist who doesn't care about other people, lol." But let�s just say he REALLY doesn�t care about people. Or, more specifically, let�s say he cares about pleasing others outside the home but doesn�t care and won�t ever care about making CWMI happy.
If you�re going to stay with him for the next 5, 10 years� How are you going to make YOUR life better? How are you going to make things easier, less frustrating, more fun for CWMI. Forget about the marriage for a quick second: if he�s not going to change� what can
you do to make CWMI less stressed?
What is one thing you can do today
that even if your husband never changes will make CWMI�s life better tomorrow