Originally Posted by Prisca
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted by Prisca
Not wanting to say "yes" to every request of my wife I think is more about wanting to settle the score.

Cut it out. Keeping score will get you no where you want to go.

You cut it out! twoxfour Just kidding
I did. Ask Markos how happy he is now smile

I think I tried to justify my desire to want to say no. I DID cut it out after I realized there is no justification in doing so and will never do it again unless the request is a SD.

You can and should say no, btw, even if she makes a request instead of a demand, but you are not enthusiastic about the request. Don't let your Giver take over and drain your own love bank by letting her gain at your expense. The goal is to find a solution that makes BOTH of you happy.

Your Giver will destroy your marriage just as much as your Taker will.

Yes you are correct I can say no to things that I'm not enthusiastic about, forgot to mention that. I've read about the Giver and Taker many times and I would like to understand it a bit more. Being a Giver has caused a lot of damage and resentment in my marriage. I'm confused about the difference between "not letting my Giver take over", and "still giving and meeting my wife's EN's". Do I want to be the Giver, but just check with my Taker?

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD