Puzzle, I wish I knew what to tell you. It seems unreasonable to me that your H would hold you to a standard you didn't carry while dating. It almost seems like he's making excuses for dishonorable behavior. Or trying to set you up for emotional abuse. but that's probably me over-reacting. My ex used to tell me how fat I was and how ugly my clothes were. Weird thing was, after the divorce, since we attended the same church for awhile, I purposely wore the clothes he told me made me look the fattest and ugliest. One day he came up to me after service mad at me for wearing all those clothes that looked good and what was I trying to do to him, distracting him from the ministry like that. So I wasn�t really fat and ugly. He just wanted to make me feel that way. Sigh. I hope someone here has some good suggestions for you.

In my case, I married someone I wasn�t attracted to, but I never held it against him that he wasn�t more attractive. I did take issue with the fact that he stopped working out and lost a lot of weight, and would remind him of that when he would make comments about my being too big.