Originally Posted by Prisca
Originally Posted by Hilltopper1972
Originally Posted by markos
I think that's a good idea, Hill. I think it's important not to agree to more than you feel you can do. Many men have a tendency to try to please their wives by saying "yes" to everything, and of course then they can't DO everything. Remember that it is important to try to meet your wife's emotional needs and if there's something she'd like done, that's a great way to take care of it, but make sure you are honest with yourself and with her and if you don't think there is time say "I'm sorry, that won't work for me." Better than that say, "I'm doing such-and-such, when would you like me to take care of this? ... Well, that's when I was going to do such-and-such for you instead, how about ... ?"

Most importantly: be pleasant and cheerful during these conversations. Be flexible and sincerely willing to take care of her. Be sweet. smile

Yep I'm Mr Fixit, even though I can't fix most of the things she needs. I've been working on the following with my wife. I think this might make some of the fellas here laugh:

Her: "Honey, the kids were misbehaved today, baby screamed and needed to be held, I'm so worn out."

Old Me: "Well were you consistent when you punished them? Did they respect you when you did it? Tell them Daddy is not happy. Did you give baby enough to eat, maybe she's just hungry?"

New Me: "Gosh I'm so sorry honey. When I watch them I get worn out in about a half hour so I totally understand. How about I pick up sushi on the way home?"

Wow, Hilltopper, I'm impressed smile Great job!

Now, just for discussion and something to think about, do you see how the Old You could come across as DJing in that first paragraph?

Markos used to talk to me the same way ... this is how I would take it:

"Well were you consistent when you punished them? Did they respect you when you did it?" Were you doing your job right or slacking again?

"Did you give baby enough to eat, maybe she's just hungry?" ...because you obviously can't figure out how to take care of your own child."

Not saying that's what the Old You meant, but can you see how a tired mother of young children might take it that way?

The second paragraph is so much more empathetic and successful at showing care ... Great job!

Yes I was a chronic DJer and it takes every ounce of my being not to be one. I was just thinking in the car on the way back from lunch that I've been a sarcastic DJer most of my life. My Dad is one too. We are very compassionate men and when people or friends truly "get us" they know that we'll be the most loyal, honest, and compassionate friends on earth. We are both emotional men. Shocker right? smile I can cry or get teared up over just about anything, the national anthem, a great moment in sports. I had to decline marrying my closest friend because there was no way I could get past one sentence without falling to pieces. This learning experience for me is good for my wife and our marriage. It is also good for me as a person in general. I don't have to be a [censored], you know? In fact I've enjoyed not being one over the past few days and I think I could get used to it.

So yes Prisca I can see how my wife and people in general take me, and that my DJer attitude has gotten me in a big hole that I'm trying to dig out of. By the way I've just got the shovel now, I traded in the Earth Mover.

Married 15 years
12 y/o DD
10 y/o DS
6 y/o DD